That game is the reason Leonard Nimoy sort of creeps me out. A fish with the face of a human…ugh.

At the time even hardcore gaming fans would tell you the original Xbox was the system to own if you wanted to play sports, racing, or first person shooters. If you wanted something that was a little beyond the norm, well you bought a different system. Part of this stigma was because for video game fans it appeared that Microsoft was trying to just buy it’s way into our hobby. Sure, that’s no different than when Sony did the same thing, and yet people made that distinction.

Sadly, people who decided that the original Xbox wasn’t worth checking out if you wanted some diversity in your gaming missed out on some truly unique games. With backwards compatibility and the Xbox Originals service there is still a chance to check out these games however. In fact, I hope Microsoft is listening, because here are ten games that I feel should be added to the Xbox Live Originals service as these are ten games that truly delivered a different gaming experience than the norm.

First up is a game that needs to be release with Xbox Live support added to it right f’ing now.

Deathrow is possibly one of the best games that no one has ever played. The game is a futuristic sports game that is one part Ultimate Frisbee, and one part Rollerball (the original film, not the piece of crap remake). Players throw around a disk and attempt to throw the disk through the other team’s goal that is hovering off of the ground. The only catch is that there are two ways to win a match, score more points, or just beat the other team until hey are unconscious. If the other team can’t stand, then they can’t obviously finish the match, right?

The game is not merely about winning, it’s about surviving. With several teams with varying statistics, being able to control strategy of your team on the fly with the d-pad and trying to decide whether you should try and score or just pummel the other team is just great fun. There’s something that’s just refreshing about a game where knocking out the goalie is not just an accepted tactic, but also an integral part of the game.

The only thing that was obviously missing in this game was Xbox Live Multiplayer. I guarantee you that if this game had Xbox Live Multiplayer people would still be playing this game right now. Microsoft, all I want for Xmas is this game with Live support. I’ll buy it again if I have to even if I have to sell my body for MS points.

I may not be much, but this body is worth at least 1200 MS Points…right?

For the most part movies based off of video games and video games based off of movies suck harder than an easy date on prom night. Seriously, if you think back to most video games based off of movies the most notable ones, like EA’s The Godfather, aren’t memorable because they’re great games, they’re memorable because they some how managed to just not be awful. At least movies based off of video games games have some an excuse, though I still do not understand how Uwe Boll gets the rights to make these movies.

Chronicles of Riddick: Escape From Butcher’s Bay, other than being a pain in the ass to type repeatedly, is another game that showed off the diversity of the original Xbox. Rather than make an easy buck and throw out a generic FPS game, the game involved stealth, bare handed fighting, shooting and some great lighting. Sure the game also had a cheesy story and a couple of technical errors, and yet somehow the movie by the same name had a far worse story and even worse errors throughout the film. By comparison the story in the video game is like a novel by Stephen King, while the movie is like it was written by a hack like Dean Koontz.

Chronicles of Riddick: Excessively Long Title is an Xbox game that is not backwards compatible. With this title the chances of Microsoft adding backwards compatibility is slim, as it appears that a next-gen remake is in the works. If anything I think that speaks highly of the original game since if you updated the graphics, smoothed out the bugs and added multiplayer the game could stand toe-to-toe with this generation of games. Although it is sort of disturbing to see videogames following the Hollywood trend of unnecessary remakes.

Okay, so I said this list was for titles that I think should be added to the Xbox Originals list and here I am writing about a game that is already available for download on Xbox Live Marketplace. I only do this for one reason: I love this game and most of you ignored it.

Seriously, what the hell people? Graphically this game still looks good and is probably the best arcade flight game available on a console. Featuring a huge single player game, a wide variety of planes, and smooth control I would sacrifice my left testicle to the gaming gods if it meant that a sequel was in the works.

More importantly, this was probably the game I played the most on Xbox Live, and it was worth every single f’ing moment. It was frantic, fast paced with some of the best designed multiplayer maps available in any game and yet most gamers spurned it like a hot chick with herpes and to this day I still cannot for the life of me understand why. Do you people just dislike good games?

Unfortunately FASA who developed Crimson Skies has folded. However you and the other million or so people people who passed by this game in order to purchase 50 Cent: Bulletproof can redeem yourselves by either downloading this game from the Xbox Original service, like right f’ing now, or by buying a copy for $3 used at Gamestop. $3 for one of the best Xbox games! BUY IT NOW.

Maybe I’m coming off too strong and you folks are wondering how much I’m getting paid to do this. Let me answer that by saying I’m getting paid only in the adoration of my fans, meaning I work for free. I just love this game –that- much. BUY IT OR YOUR GRANDMA DIES. WHY DO YOU HATE YOUR GRANDMA?

Okay, so there were a lot of FPS titles released for the Xbox. So what, are you one of those pansies who get motion sick from playing these type of games?

Oh, you are? And it’s a serious medical condition? Oh. Damn. I’m sorry man. I hope you get better soon.

As for the 90% of the rest of you who don’t get motion sick from standard activities such as sitting then standing quickly, the Xbox did some good things with the FPS genre. Deus Ex: Invisible War is one of those games. You wouldn’t know that however from doing any sort of research of the game online. While Deus Ex: Invisible War was enjoyed pretty much universally by critics, the community panned it. Why? Because it wasn’t the first Deus Ex game.

And on the 10th day God created the internet. Soon after people flocked to whine about everything. I’ve even seen people whine that kittens aren’t cute enough.

Let’s get it out of the way though, Deus Ex: Invisible War was not as good as the first Deus Ex. Did this make it a bad game? Yes according to the reverent Deus Ex fans. I thought it was pretty good. The game had it’s flaws, including some small areas and some of the features of the original game were streamlined for the sequel, but as someone who uses the computer solely for writing and porn (and more emphasis on the porn) Deus Ex: Invisible War was a new experience for me. Hell, what I had played of the first Deus Ex was the Playstation 2 version of the game, and that version was worse than the idea of Ann Coulter posing in Playboy. Ick.

I’m telling you, patch that sucker up using the patches available for the PC version, toss it on the Originals list and it’ll make money.

Then again, I thought the Virtual Boy was a good idea.

From the creators of such classics as Giants: Citizen Kabuto, which was also a really strange f’ing game, came Armed and Dangerous, quite possibly the oddest third person shooter to ever be released on a game console that didn’t suck. Equal parts odd humor, British accents and strange weaponry the game was an absolute blast to play. How much better can a game get than being able to have a gun that shoots sharks?

Think about that for a second, this game has a motherfu#$%ng gun that shoots motherfu%^&ng sharks.

How did it not sell 5 million copies?

Of course outside of the guns and humor the game was a fairly standard shooter, but the guns and humor made it so much more. The game was balanced well for things like a weapon that turned the world upside down and flung the enemies into the air….before gravity righted itself and splatted your enemies into the unforgiving ground.

Honestly though, do I need a better reason for this to be added to the list of Xbox Originals other than the fact that it has a gun that shoots sharks?

Sharks man! Sharks!

This game I have added though I know it is practically impossible to add it to the list of Xbox Originals. This game was originally released for $200. And here you thought that $60 games were too expensive. The reason for the price tag was because the game shipped with a controller that had more buttons than a machine with a lot of buttons. That’s impressive. The game practically needed for you to go out and get a driver’s license specifically for the game.

At the core of the game was a pretty standard mech game, only the developers paid about as much attention to the detail of little things like the turn speed of the mech in the game as the developers of Forza Motorsport do to the stabilization of a car as it’s turning. There will likely not be another mech game released that spends as much loving attention to detail as Steel Battalion does. The controller had a ton of buttons in order to simulate the feel of driving a large mechanized robot.

The first time I tried the game I turned the key and stalled the engine. THAT is how realistic this game is.

I’m not really sure how they could add this to the list of Xbox Originals, unless you could buy a cheaper version of the controller then pay $15 to download the game. I mention it because truly, you will not find an experience such as this game on any other console, and there might never be a game like this again. It is obvious through playing that this was a specific project that the developers who created it loved, and shows in the final project. If Microsoft is trying to show people what they missed out on if they didn’t have the original Xbox, then adding Steel Battalion to the list of Originals would go a long way to showing that their first system was more than just some racing games and Halo.

Yet another first person shooter.

Calling Breakdown a first person shooter is a disservice to the game however. This is one of the few first person games that tries to do everything you would find in a third person action game, only in first person. Everything is done in the first person view, even the opening montage where the main character throws up into a toilet. People who notice minor details in graphics could probably spend hours counting the amount of pixels shown in the digital vomit.

As a game it’s not exactly the most finely tuned game in the world. There are certainly some balance issues, and personally even though I normally do not get motion sick from video games…this game was an exception. Barrel rolling a couple of times in a first person view made my lunch decide to say hello. Although this game taught me that if I ever need to barrel roll in real life, then I should do it with my eyes closed. The character in Breakdown never blinks though, and with the action in this game there are times where you’ll forget to blink as well. So stock up on the Visine.

Even with various FPS like The Darkness incorporating just regular life events into the FPS genre, nothing takes it to the level Breakdown does. The end result is not always good, but it’s worth playing just to see what Namco has attempted to do with the genre. This game is currently backwards compatible.

Panzer Dragoon Orta is another game that’s just something you have to play to understand. At the very core of the game it is an on rails shooter. To judge it by merely that description does the game a horrible injustice though. In many ways the game is one of the best mixtures of both simplistic old school style gameplay together with some serious strategy and beautiful graphics.

Form shifting, homing lasers, gliding, berserk attacks, and avoiding obstacles, these are just some of the things that you have to think about during the roller coaster ride that is Panzer Dragoon Orta. Flying on the back of a Dragoon (i.e. Dragon in case you didn’t get it), the game speeds a long at an intense rate. You either adapt to the style of game and ride with it enjoying the thrill ride, or you die a lot, and likely throw your controller into the wall.

This game is also backwards compatible, and it would be a crime if SEGA and Microsoft didn’t eventually add this to the Originals list.

This is a game that practically screams MADE IN JAPAN!

Random sort of girlie looking guys fighting battles in clothing that offers practically no protection (and strangely more belts than is absolutely necessary), combined with amnesia and more text boxes than you could care for? Oh yeah. Phantom Dust is about a world where the surface is covered in fog, known as Phantom Dust, that wipes away peoples memories. Stay on the surface too long and you will not even remember to eat food. Sounds like a quick way to forget crazy ex-girlfriends right? Yeah, the people on this world don’t see it that way. They live underground but on the plus side there are those who can use special powers called Espers.

People love Espers, it’s a proven fact.

Anyhow, these Espers can use there powers to roam the surface world, or something. There’s a lot of other story related stuff but most of it is just background noise. Sure it’s interesting, but that’s not the point. The point is the gameplay rocks. Essentially Phantom Dust is a collectible card game mixed with an action game. Magic: The Gathering made an attempt at this sort of thing also on the Xbox, but was nothing near as well done as it is in Phantom Dust.

The game is played in various 3D arenas. You collect various Skills(Cards) and sort those Skills into Arsenals(Card Decks), when you start a battle orbs representing your chosen Skills will appear near your start point. Only a couple at a time will appear. You run up and assign those Skills to various face buttons and use Aura to use the skills. Aura regenerates over time. Some skills are only useful either close up or far away. Some are only for support or defense. Having the right skills equipped or in your Arsenal is essential in the game. This is one of the better versus original Xbox Live titles available.

There has never been a game like it before or since, and it was a budget title! This title, also backwards compatible, can be owned for cheap, and I would love to see an Xbox 360 sequel allowing for up to 8 or more player to contest against each other in larger arenas. It would be insanity. Pick the game up if you have a chance, there’s still a surprisingly dedicated community for this game out there.

There’s a considerable amount of personal bias that I have for this game since I am a huge fan of zombie movies.

Stubbs The Zombie is one of the best zombie games ever made (up until Dead Rising was released that is) and even though the game is fairly short, clocking in at around 5 hours or less depending on your skill level, the game has more charm in 10 minutes of the game than most video games muster up over 20 hours. I like long games as much as the next person but I would rather have a great short game than a game that takes a good concept and stretches it out for so long that it’s just boring by the end.

Stubbs just doesn’t get boring. This is still one of the only games where you get to play as the zombie. Throughout the game you are attacking humans, and not just killing them, but once dead you recruit them to your legion of the undead. At least in Stubbs The Zombie when your AI allies act brain dead, it still makes sense. You can also possess people by detaching your hand and grabbing onto a person’s skull, throw gut grenades, etc. Over the course of the game you will need every tool available as well since the AI is top notch.

In fact the game was created by Bungie defectors using the Halo engine. This is sort of obvious while playing the game as the AI tactics might seem familiar to those who have played the Halo games, and while storming down a street it plays out occasionally like a corridor shooter. That and at least one vehicle controls like the warthog. This is anything but a Halo clone however. The game is built upon a familiar frame, but it deserves recognition for being not only one of the best zombie games ever, but also being one of the best games available for the first Xbox system.

There you go. These are only my personal top ten, and not including such games as Oddworld: Stranger’s Wrath, Midtown Madness 3, Star Wars: Republic Commando, and more that showed off what the original Xbox could accomplish if developers spent a little time and creativity with their games. Microsoft might have tried to buy their way into our hobby and our living rooms, but these unique titles are what made the system a necessary purchase for any diehard game fan.

Until the next time I get drunk and think of ten games to write about, peace!

Sometimes I really wonder what goes on in the collective minds of a single corporation. What REALLY goes into the decision-making process when push comes to shove? Some ideas are brilliant in their common sense. Some are completely devoid of logic. And others seem like the heads in charge are completely high and have no f*cking idea what they are doing. Its with that in mind that I question the comission and release of a fourth DDR game on the original XBox system.

Now don’t get me wrong, here. The Bemani fanatic in me LOVES it when a new DDR game is released, and Ultramix 4 is no exception. But the business-degree holding, former student in me is pondering why this game exists in the first place, especially at the time of its release. For starters, the XBox is officially a “last generation” system now that the 360 is here. Microsoft hasn’t even been paying much attention to its first console since the 360 release, and has just about given up making old titles playable on the new system. (This includes all DDR titles, by the way.) Add to the fact that Konami ALSO announced a 360 version of the DDR series that IS NOT A PORT OF ANYTHING, further head scratching is warranted. Finally, the kicker here is that the game has the exact same problem as Ultramix 3 did last year in the fact that its release came just a few days before a new game system hit the market. Except this time, it was TWO game systems at ONCE, making it worse. Its as if Konami WANTED the game to be doomed from the start and be completely overlooked by the masses.

But Ultramix 4 is not about weird company decisions or the politics involved. Its simply the fourth edition in a line of DDR titles that stray away from the arcade and PS2 iterations in terms of overall content and feature lists. Its had its ups and downs, but the fact remains that with every new XBox edition, it tries to invent new ways to enjoy an old formula, or even revive old and forgotten ways to enjoy it. So is this particular version worth going back to the XBox one more time? Lets dance!

When you first turn on the game, you’ll notice it opens slightly differently from past titles. You’ll end up in the “Basic Edition” screen where you only have two options. The first is “How To Play”, and strictly for beginners. The second allows you to access the “Master’s Edition” screen, which I’ll touch on later.

“How To Play” is a mandatory tutorial that shows you the basics of the game. It lasts about ten minutes, and finishing it will unlock two more beginner-friendly options. The first of these is Lesson Mode, which is reminiscent of previous Lesson options found in the PS2 games. This particular Lesson Mode, however, expands the concepts found in the tutorial and teaches some more advanced step patterns. The other option is “Game Mode Lite”, allowing new players to choose from a small selection of songs from the full song list to play. The difficulty is locked on Beginner, and can’t be changed. Several of the songs need to be unlocked as well.

Provided you’re NOT a new player, picking “Master’s Edition” will bypass all of the newbie-friendly tutorial aspects and plunge you into the meat and potatoes of the game. All of the familiar modes are here, and the game will always boot to this screen after your first time through. The first mode is, as always, Game Mode. Here you pick either Singles (4-Panel) or Doubles (8-Panel) play, and any song you want to play. Simple, easy, and carried over verbatim from the first three games.

Next is Party Mode, which contains all of the fun multiplayer modes Ultramix fans have come to expect. Classic modes include Score Mode, which has all players competing for the highest score, and Point Mode, where everyone starts with 16 points and every misstep deducts one from the overall total. Attack Mode has each arrow column designated with either an attack on your opponent, or a defense for yourself. Getting a combo of 5 in a specific column activates it, with the goal to cause your opponents guide arrows to reach the bottom of the screen. Bomb Mode is essentially a “hot potato” type of game, where you try and pass a bomb off to different players before it goes off. If it does, that player is eliminated. Sync Mode is more of a cooperative game, where there’s only one set of guide arrows between up to four players. Players must synchronize their steps in order to get good step grades and a combo going. Finally, Quad Mode rounds out the returning modes of play. This is the mode where one player can go nuts on four pads at once. Sixteen arrows if you do the math.

Several new modes have also been added, all of them quite clever. First up is Triple Mode, which is the official bridge between Doubles and Quad play. One player, three pads, twelve arrows. Not much else to explain for that one. Next is Relay Mode, where one step pattern is split amongst four players, with each player having to complete different portions of the song. Now, if you think this just taking large clumps of arrows and assigning them to each player, think again. One step pattern can be split up BY ARROW and randomly assigned. Trust me, the mode is a lot harder than it looks. Then there is Speed Mode, proving that DDR can in fact have its own Time Attack. Here, it’s your job to complete a step pattern as fast as you can, regardless of the music and beat playing in the background. The arrows only move as fast as you do, with brief pauses in your progress if you hit the wrong arrow. The mode itself is BRILLIANT, and a great extension of a few simple missions found in DDR SuperNOVA for the PS2. Finally, there’s Power Mode, which gives XBox owners their very own song courses for the first time. However, these aren’t courses like the Nonstop or Challenge ones found in PS2 games. These courses take around 4 each and continuously mix them into one long, five minute stage. There’s only four to start with, but a fifth apparently becomes available if you’re able to unlock it. (I say “apparently”, as the game says I HAVE the course, but it hasn’t appeared for play yet.) This is an idea that has been revived from the now defunct Solo line of DDR arcade machines, and its awesome that we’re seeing it again on a current edition of the game.

Moving on down the line, Challenge Mode is back. This is where you’ll find various missions to complete. Just like Ultramix 3, you have a grand total of 60 challenges to go through, split amongst ten categories. This time, however, all challenges are available from the very beginning, whereas before you had to complete each category to advance. The only problem I see here is that the difficulty of these challenges tend to spike upward the farther up you get.

XBox Live functionality also returns, and it really doesn’t differentiate itself from its last incarnation. You’re able to set up lobbies and play songs, leave messages, chat online, view records and online standings, and even upload/download edit content. There’s also the option to download new song packs for $5 a pop. There isn’t any “new” content right now, but you’re still able to catch up on previous song packs you may have missed out on. All and all, the functionality is exactly the same. Nothing new has really been added.

Quest Mode returns from Ultramix 3, and has been greatly refined and retooled to be a lot less confusing, and a lot more fun. (I’ll get into that more in the Gameplay section.) Interestingly, UM3’s “Freestyle Mode” was dropped completely, making this the first Ultramix game to not carry over a mode from the previous game. Most won’t miss it, as it wasn’t that popular, but it was still nice in its own right.

Some of the traditional options in the game have actually gotten some revisions after being virtually untouched for years. The Edit Mode still allows you to edit your own step patterns, but now comes with the option to edit the movies that play in the background! And this isn’t a sloppy “afterthought” either, this feels like a professional editing tool. You get to choose all of your movies, place them whatever measure of the song you like, then add custom transitions and other amazing effects. Considering the huge amount of background movies in the game, the “Visual Edit” option is quite a treat. The Records screen has also been refined. FINALLY, you can save scores for both the Beginner and Oni steps for songs along with the Basic/Difficult/Expert scores. The game will also display scores for Single, Double, Triple, and Quad play, as well as scores for the Power Courses and Speed Mode. It may not sound like much, but after getting shafted with certain scores not being saved, this is a welcome change of pace. (You still can’t see Beginner and Oni scores in Game Mode, though.)

The rest of the returning modes function exactly as they did back in Ultramix 3. Workout Mode is still just a glorified option for other modes, allowing you to turn on the calorie counter for every other game mode. Training Mode still lets you slow down a song and practice parts you have difficulty with. Jukebox Mode lets you pick a list of songs and let them play sans the arrows, leaving the movies on in their full glory.

So considering the massive size of this particular section, there is a LOT to do here in Ultramix 4, and a lot of new and exciting things to add to the classic modes of play. It’s yet another way Konami’s American divisions choose to innovate new things and revive old favorites for DDR, whereas Japan doesn’t do nearly as much.

Modes: 9/10

One of the largest gripes with Ultramix 3 was in the graphics department. On the surface, the graphical style used was this weird bubbly theme that was universally disliked. Underneath, the actual gameplay did not run at a constant 60FPS. The game would constantly stutter as the arrows scrolled up the screen, making it an eyesore for many players. I was able to ignore it for the most part, as it didn’t interfere with my actual scores, but many veteran players had conniptions about it.

How do the graphics look THIS year? Well to start with, the actual gameplay has been IMPROVED. The frame rate now moves MUCH smoother, with most of the stuttering gone. You will see the occasional minor skip, usually when a movie in the background has an abrupt transition, but the gameplay frame rate is truly the best it has ever been on the XBox. However, the menus and loading screens run at anything BUT 60FPS. The animations are cool, but the stuttering seems to have migrated to here instead. But if that’s the trade-off I need to make for cleaner gameplay, I’m all for it.

Dancing characters are back as well, and effort was made to bring in some new characters for this incarnation as opposed to previous years. There’s still only around eight characters to choose from, but there are new pairings such as Akira and Yuni, two huge fan favorites. Every character also has four costumes to choose from, depending on which controller port you’re plugged into. The fact that they aren’t palette-swaped costumes is a big plus, and a nice touch. Of course, all they end up doing is dancing by themselves. AGAIN. You know, just ONCE, I’d like to see two characters on screen interacting with each other. Have Astro and Charmy cut a rug with partner dance moves on a swing-dance song, for instance. But until that happens, characters are nothing but window dressings.

As for the graphical style, the slick, edgy graphics from UM1 and UM2 have returned to grace us with their presence one more time. While the overall set-up is reminiscent of UM3, the graphics have been overhauled to retain that “edge” found in UM2 with its electric blue tone. From the moment the UM4 logo flashes across the screen, you’ll know you’re in for a different experience. One thing I truly like are the amount of hand-drawn character portraits. While window dressings, as said above, you rarely see hand-drawn characters in DDR. I liked them. Sue me.

That being said, not all the graphics are pretty. The prime examples are the grade letters you receive when you complete a song. What you receive are these disfigured, disjointed digitized things that RESEMBLE letters, but are really hard on the eyes. Especially when you start earning AAs and AAAs. The As themselves attach to each other in very odd ways, with the third A in a AAA barely even visible. Banners and backgrounds to certain songs also suffer; not really in the “ugly” sense, but in a “looks like it was done in five seconds with Adobe Photoshop” sense. Some of the older songs’ banners and backgrounds were even changed, and most of them not for the better. But those are my only real gripes outside the choppy menus. The visuals have been upgraded (mostly), and I’m happy.

Graphics: 6/10

Like I say with every music game ever, this is the category that makes or breaks the game. Last year, while many of the songs were enjoyable, there were quite a few stinkers in the line-up. And I don’t think there were as many songs in one DDR game that I disliked as much as UM3. Thankfully, things are better in UM4.

One thing I found interesting is that the menu music is licensed! Several songs cycle through if you leave the game on long enough, and every song is credited on the main menu in the bottom right-hand corner. Its a small edition, but adds variety to something that used to have one song play over and over again.

As far as playable content, here are 56 songs available from the start. Add to that 15 unlockable tracks, and the total tops out at 71. (Oddly enough, EXACTLY like the totals in UM3.) And out of the totals, only 16 of these songs have been in DDR mixes before this one. Three of them are licenses (”Waka Laka”, “Get Up [Before The Night Is Over]”, and “It’s Raining Men [Almighty Mix]”), and the rest are Konami originals. And only two of those are brand new additions to the DDR SuperNOVA arcade game (”Mondo Street”, and “Hunting For You”). But the good thing is that only 7 of them have been on American home versions before. So for those who can’t import, there are 64 songs here that the US hasn’t seen at home. And for those who can, there are still 55. Quite a number of brand new songs, eh?

The official licensed content is much more enjoyable this time around. There are still some pop names on the list, with The Pussy Cat Dolls and a “Don’t Cha” remix, as well as Toby Mac’s “Diverse City”. The game’s resident Latin beat song, “Levitation Nation”, is SO much better than last year’s “Mia Alma”. Other additions like “These Words” and “Listen To Your Heart” round out this section. My favorite out of this group is a track called “Dual Love”. Sure there’s some pop that people hate, but its much more tolerable pop than before. Although one thing bugs me: “Rock This Town” by the Stray Cats is on here. Nothing is wrong with that in itself, but it was also on both Guitar Hero 2 and Elite Beat Agents, both of which released THIS MONTH. Is there a new law out there that says this song must be included on every music game from now until the end of time?!?!?

Quite a few of the songs, once again, have been supplied by the “A Different Drum” music label. This partnership has supplied DDR with some amazing synth pop and then some. Fan favorite Midihead is back, this time under the Monolithic name, supplying two songs out of his back catalog: “Arms (Alpha Omega Mix)” and the amazing sounding “The Drain”. ZONK returns with “Nervous Excited Delighted”, and Alien Six returns after a long absence with “I Can Feel It”. The artist Dirtyhertz completely redeems himself from UM3 with two enjoyable tracks (”Thrill Chaser” and “Snake Charmer”).

Also included are four songs that were the result of a contest Konami held earlier this year. Konami asked the fans to make their own music and submit it for consideration to be in a future DDR game, with the winner getting $250 and bragging rights. As it happened, all four winners ended up on this game. My two favorites here are “There’s A Rhythm” by Dig Bear, and “GO! (Mahalo Mix)” by DM Ashura. Now, the interesting thing about DM Ashura is that he ended up getting ANOTHER song onto the game by remixing “Celebrate Nite”, a classic Konami original. Seeing how DM Ashura is well liked in the dance games community, kudos to him for finding success here.

Speaking of outside work, there are quite a few other KOs that Konami commissioned from ADD and such. Outside of the “Celebrate Nite” remix, two other classic KOs had remixes done from the outside. In fact, one of the most requested bands featured in UM2, Echo !mage, remixed their song “Skulk” specifically for this game. Fan favorites Jondi & Spesh show up quite a bit, with “Cosmic Hammer”, “Edge of Control” and a remix of their song “Insaner” done by Konami artist L.E.D. I’d never thought I’d see the day when one who remixed Konami’s work would get the return treatment, but its in here!

Those looking for the mountains of Bemani crossovers found in previous games might be disappointed, as there are only a handful here to choose from. Songs like “bit mania” are brought out of the beatmania IIDX pile, while others like Classic Party Triathalon” and “Chocolate Philosophy” come to us straight from Guitar Freaks/Drummania. While few in number, most are quality songs.

Of course there are downloadable songs to take advantage of as well. If you started all the way back from the first Ultramix game and never missed a download, you should have 77 additional songs activated when you turn on the game. (And annoyingly long loading times to boot.) That’s more than the song list found on this particular disc! But if you haven’t, a pack of five songs will cost you $5. I’m not sure if the two free downloads are still available for those who missed out, though.

All in all, the song list this year is quite a treat to listen to. It’s much better than the complete randomness plaguing UM3. Unfortunately, the same UM3 announcer is back, and I just can’t stand him. So for the first time, I turned his voice off. I have never looked back, either. Thankfully that’s the only flaw in the otherwise awesome sound category.

Sound: 9/10

The main game is exactly the same as it has been for years. Four guide arrows are at the top of the screen, with targets rising from the bottom. You’ll need to hit the correct arrow (Left/down/Up/Right) as it overlaps the guide arrows in time to the beat. Sometimes you’ll need to hold down a freeze arrow, or jump on two arrows at once. The closer to the beat you are, the better step grade you’ll receive. (Perfect, Great, Good, Almost, Boo) The better you do, the higher overall score and letter grade you’ll receive. (From E-A, AA, and AAA.) Nothing has changed in this regard. Not even one iota. So veterans will of course feel right at home.

Timing of the songs is more or less the same as it was in the last game. They’re larger than the arcade judging windows, but not as large as they were on UM2. The good thing here is that there’s no odd occurrences where the game will go randomly off-sync for a while. And outside of a couple of exceptions, all the songs are synced well with the steps. Oh, and for the record, any song pack song that didn’t work right in UM3 now works right in UM4. Praise be the beta testing!

Now for added difficulty, you’re able to adjust the way you play in the Mods screen. Here you can speed up the arrows, reverse the scroll, add some interesting effects like Hidden or Boost, or all sorts of different things. Ultramix games also have the habit of introducing brand new song mods not found in any of the arcade of PS2 games. Yep, only XBox owners can access the Help and Phantom arrows with 0.5x speed! The tradition carries on here with a few more XBox-exclusive additions. You now have the option of turning the Up and Down arrows off completely and transferring the arrows to Left or Right. The L+R Only mod effectively makes the game “March March Revolution”, and is pretty interesting. You also have the option of turning every arrow in the game into a two-arrow Jump with the All Jump mod, and make every arrow a freeze step with the All Freeze mod. And the REAL funny thing is that both of these mods have their own scores page in Records mode! That’s yet another clever addition to a rather unique package.

As I said before, Quest Mode has been reworked a bit. To begin with, you’re plunked down at the outskirts of a huge city with three “rings”: Street, Club, and Executive. Each ring has 16 locations within it, and you can move freely between them. The goal of this mode is to earn money in the Street section, which you use to enter Clubs (and Executives when you run out of new Clubs to hit.) When you first enter a Street level, you can pick your first song, but every song after that is randomly chosen for you. Think of it as an optional “Endless Mode”. Of course you can stop whenever you want, but the more songs you play will earn you more cash.

You’ll also want to reach the Street’s “fan base” target before leaving. Fan base is earned from each Perfect or Great you get in a song. If you get enough, you’ll clear the Street you’re currently on. There are also five levels of fan base per Street, so you’ll often find yourself coming back to finish them up. Now every time you clear a fan base level you’ll get a “movie”, which just so happens to be one of the many movie clips played in the background as you play. When you have a movie in your possession, you’ll earn extra fan base points every time it plays in the background. (How about that, they actually found a USE for background videos!) You’ll also be able to buy extra movies outside of Street levels to add to your collection. Songs are also available for “purchase”, meaning every time you play them, you’ll end up earning more fan base points than those you don’t have “purchased”.

Anyway, when you rack up enough money to pay the entry fees at a club, you’ll come face to face with that club’s boss. (Which is really one of four palette-swaps of the eight characters.) When you “challenge” the bosses, you just play until your fan base meter fills up. Unlike the Street levels, the meter doesn’t start over at the beginning of every song, so you can take as long as you need to conquer the club you’re at.

This is perhaps one of Quest Mode’s strongest suits: anyone can jump in and complete them mode, regardless of being a new player or a veteran player. New players can conquer Streets easily by clearing the first level of fan base, and can take as long as they need to beat a club level by picking easy songs. Veterans can breeze through everything by picking harder songs and earning more money to bank away. And no two people will go through Quest Mode the same way, either. This is where UM4 has it all over the PS2 games and their “Dance Master Modes”. Perhaps the only down point to this would be that a new player wanting to unlock all the songs would feel that it would take too long. It took me two days to get through Quest Mode with dedicated playing, but it could take new players much longer than that.

Controls/Gameplay: 9/10

DDR games have always had a high score in the Replay Value area, but UM4 goes above and beyond the call of duty with things to come back to. It takes a while in Quest Mode alone to unlock all the movies complete all the challenges offered. Add to that the traditional main game mode with 5 levels of difficulty, the option of playing on up to four pads, the brand new mods complete with their own record sheets, all the old and new Party Mode games as well as the Power Mode courses, and you won’t be playing other music games for a while.

By the way, this doesn’t even cover the XBox Live functionality of the game.

Replay Value: 10/10

UM4 takes great strides to make newbies, grizzled veterans, and everyone else in between feel right at home while playing. Konami made a smart choice separating the brand new beginner modes from the main gameplay, as new people can learn the game easier, and veterans won’t have to deal with the modes at all. On the other side of the coin, the new Party Mode games and the Power Courses add more variety for the veterans to try outside of Expert and Oni steps. Quest Mode’s difficulty is entirely dependant on how you want to go through it, making it a breeze or a challenge for everyone involved. And as always, the four levels of difficulty for every song (sometimes five) offer a very good learning curve for all comers. Not only is this a great game to start on, but its an excellent choice for veterans to hone their skills on as well.

Balance: 10/10

Unfortunately, every version of DDR is rooted on the “if it ain’t broke, don’t fit it” mentality. Therefore, most games don’t offer much in the way of super-original content. Sure the song list is 100% new and the new added modes are awesome, but most of the game’s engine has been carried over verbatim from previous XBox incarnations. I’m glad improvements were made to existing modes, but without really changing the core game, there’s not much that’s truly “new” here, at least by comparison.

Originality: 4/10

Of course the game can still be tons of fun without being brand new in every respect. The classic DDR gameplay surprisingly still holds up after so long, and the new song list is much easier on the ears than the previous game. The stuff that IS new is a blast, and definitely keeps me coming back for more. In fact, if you have most or all of the song packs downloaded from previous games, the amount of content to play around with is almost overwhelming at times. Add to the fact that there are all these new Record screens to fill, and I KNOW I’m not going to be doing anything social for a while.

Addictiveness: 8/10

Oh, how I wish circumstances were different for UM4. I really, really, REALLY do. It’s a quality product that will keep fans of the series busy for weeks, if not months. However, there’s so much standing in the way of this game for it to reach as wide an audience as before. Being on the original XBox when 360 demand is high hurts, and not being backwards compatible on the 360 hurts even more. The game’s release date was a mere two days before the PS3 launch and four days before the Wii’s, meaning overall hype for the game was severely curtailed. And the final nail in the coffin: there’s a 360 version of DDR coming out ANYWAY early next year with what looks like an almost identical feature set to this game. So it seems like hardcore fans are the only ones who would realistically pick this version up. And that REALLY sucks because all of these new easy modes for new players are well done, and could have been huge a year or two ago. At least they’ll be on the 360 game as well, so they won’t go completely to waste.

The only shining light I can think of with all the factors standing against this game is the fact that it is being released for cheap. UM4 only costs $29.99, making it the cheapest DDR title at launch since DDR Konamix on the original Playstation. The low price point just might make current XBox owners jump on this game, but I can’t realistically see all too many buying the game on price alone.

Appeal Factor: 3/10

Despite all the negatives surrounding the game, both inside and out, it definitely feels Konami’s Hawaii division was definitely listening to our grievances about UM3. Improvements were made practically everywhere that counted, and a better product has surfaced. UM4 feels less like a standard, money-making release and more like a “thank you” to the many fans that have supported the XBox incarnation of DDR for so long. It won’t sell a ton of copies, but it will reach those that count. And I’ll say a “thank you” back to KCEH for as long as its still in existence before its gobbled up into KDEA in its entirety. It’s not a perfect product, but its a well-refined product. And I couldn’t ask for anything more.

Well, maybe getting “Last Message” into one of the new song packs, but that’s just the greedy bastard in me…

Miscellaneous: 8/10

Modes: 9/10
Graphics: 6/10
Sound: 9/10
Controls/Gameplay: 9/10
Replay Value: 10/10
Balance: 10/10
Originality: 4/10
Addictiveness: 8/10
Appeal Factor: 3/10
Miscellaneous: 8/10
TOTAL: 72/100 (GOOD)

Short Attention Span Summary
DDR Ultramix 4 definitely has the best engine out of the four XBox games, although I’m not sure if I can call it better than UM2 at the moment. It’s a hard call to make! This game gets my full recommendation, but I know that its not going to see as many players as it has in years past. All in all, this is an excellent send-off for the Ultramix brand name, and I can only hope that the Universe brand will be a worthy successor.

Marvel Ultimate Alliance is the third action RPG from Raven, with the first two being the ultra popular X-Men Legends games. This time however, Marvel has opened up their entire universe to them; allowing Raven to make a game that pits an army of Marvel’s heroes against a horde of Marvel’s most malicious

Stan Lee would be quite proud of that alliteration.

Marvel Ultimate Alliance had some of the biggest hype I’ve seen surrounding a licensed game in a very long time. Raven had two straight massive hits with the XML games, and it was going to be pretty hard for any game to live up to the hype. Any game where you can have a who’s who of Marvel greats like Spider-Man, Captain America, Dr. Strange and Ms. Marvel as playable characters, you’re going to either make the fan boys foam at the mouth with rage because things weren’t “comic perfect,” or they’ll mess themselves in a manner worthy of a Police Academy scene.

I can’t believe you mentioned Ms Marvel before me. “Wah! I’m an alcoholic who has had more name changes that Elizabeth Taylor has had maiden names and people only pay attention to me know because I was the runner up in the ‘Give Brian Michael Bendis Palm Calluses’ competition. Geez. What next? You going to mention that Jarvis is in the game before me?”

Seeing that I grew up on Justice League International as my primary childhood four color enjoyment,

Are there any left with heads? Cause I bet an all headless comic would sell! Well, better than the relaunch of Warlord anyway…

I decided to get some help from one of Marvel’s own. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you…DEADPOOL

Thank you, thank you! Seeing as there’re only five people on the planet that read my comic, I should probably introduce myself. I’m Deadpool! The Merc with a mouth! X-Man supreme! Killer of clowns and really whatever I’m paid to dismember! I’m currently starring in a comic with Cable aka “Nathan Dayspring Askani’son Summers insert several more of my last names here and I’m a cross between Jesus and Tron except Tron’s daddy didn’t have psychic sex with the White Queen”. Hey! Why aren’t *I* Cable’s dad? Oh Emma, if only you were a little more shapely like my precious Bea Arthur. Then I’d give you some good lovin’. Like in that video Lucard did with that polar bear and that 20 year old Czech hooker!

HEY!

Sorry. Anyway, CABLE was originally supposed to do this co-review, but we don’t even let him answer fan mail, so would we really want his boring dulcet tones clogging up this masterpiece? I think not. Besides, we needed him back at HQ before they take Fabian off our comic and replace him with someone like Mark Millar so that we can be darker and grittier and totally have nothing in common with the issues that came before. I’m the God Damned Deadpool!

Anyway, Deadpool will be helping me with this review as to provide a special insight seeing that he is both a Marvel character and in the game.

PLAY AS ME! I regenerate! I have swords! I have guns! What more do you need? Do you really want to play as a 5′3″ hairy midget who needs a manicure? NO! PLAY DEADPOOL!

Together we’ll see if Raven continued its streak of excellent Marvel based games…

Or if this game was like attaching a bear trap to your special no-no place.

Let’s Review

1. Story

To be honest the plot is quite bare bones here. In a nutshell, Gypsy turned scientist turned sorcerer turned ruler of a tiny European nation, Doctor Doom, has reformed the Masters of Evil and is attempting a massively complicated plot to conquer the world.

Please note that this is YET ANOTHER THING taken away from poor Baron Zemo. Also, a Gypsy is reforming an organization originally founded by Nazis? Folks, this is like me joining a Mime club. Although, if it were the mimes from Shakes the Clown it might not be so bad. I love Mime jerry!.

To combat this group of villains, Nick Fury teleports Captain America, Thor, Spider-Man, and Wolverine onto his hellicarrier.

Think of a giant flying aircraft carrier. Folks, you think gas prices in YOUR universe are bad? Check out 616. We’re at like five bucks a gallon thanks to all the gallons per mile vehicles SHIELD has up in the air!

From there, you battle your way with these four pre-arranged characters and begin to discover that Doctor Doom has united pretty much every super villain under the sun to serve him.

I AM FROM BEYOND!

This is pretty much the plot. There’s a little bit of dialogue stating that Fury gathered together a bunch of super heroes, but it’s off the cuff and used as to explain why all these characters are together. The cut scenes that are seen tying missions together often don’t even feature the characters you’ve chosen to play as, and Elektra has never seen any game play, it’s rather odd to see her there. Same with Black Panther, who shows up hanging out at your base long before you can ever use him. The plot is, at best, an excuse for the fan service that this game represents. There is no character development, or any substance to your team. This is a hack n slash game first and foremost and it’s apparent after the first five hours that your characters matter little to the story that is here, and even that story is

Stretched out more than a Bendis storyline?

Indeed. RPG’s generally pride themselves on a deep and rich storyline. Here, the story line is very shallow and there’s no attempt to hide it. But with 25 playable characters, it’s understandable, if not underwhelming.

This being said, there are some enjoyable bits to the game. You’ll be given extra dialogue if certain characters are on screen when their arch enemies are bosses. Your characters will also spout trademark quips and even some excellent inside jokes such as Thor’s, “By the power of Asgard!”

If you’re looking for something actually akin to an intense comic book storyline, it’s not here. If you’re looking for real time Heroclix and the mindless smashing of things, M:UA is the diversion for you.

You know, I’m really disappointed about all of MY story they cut from the game. I’m sitting here one second sitting in my birthday suit watching reruns of “The Golden Girls” and eating Taco Bell when all of a sudden I’m showing my floppily doppilies to the Fantastic Four and other good guys in spandex. Power Man’s all “SWEET CHRISTMAS, PUT SOME CLOTHES ON BOY!” and I’m all like “Maybe you guys should warn me ahead of time so I don’t have to turn my Gordita into a makeshift codpiece.” But you know, Spider-Woman was all checking me out, Yeah, she wants me.

I eventually got stuck with Johnny Storm, Iceman, and Spider-Man, which I later learned Nick Fury had codenamed Team STFU aka Team Jibber-Jabber. I didn’t like either of those names. Mainly because I don’t know how to pronounce STFU, and sure Spidey talks almost as much as I do, but Johnny and Bobby aren’t as talkative so I decided to call us TEAM VENTURE. Mainly because I like saying, “GO TEAM VENTURE.” I do have to say Torch and the Sno-cone get really ticked when you call them Dean and Hank. I’m totally Brock Samson though. Mainly because we both kill things really well. Have you noticed I’m saying mainly a lot?

Story Rating: 5/10

2. Graphics

MUA is a very nice looking game. It’s not the most impressive visuals I’ve ever seen on the Xbox, but there’s so much action going on that something had to give in order to keep slowdown from broaching every few minutes.
The background graphics are well done. There’s a constant variety with the scenery and so much of the background can be interacted (smashed) with.

Character detail is very nice as well. The cut scenes really highlight how well designed each character is, and even during gameplay, the characters hold up nicely, but the camera angle and the distance away the game forces on you prevents you from doing any real study of the graphics.

Also, I just want to say it’s great that Rob Liefield isn’t the art director in this game. Don’t get me wrong. I love Rob like he was my dad, but it’s just I’m rather used to having wrists now. Although I feel an unlockable costume for Capt should have been the one Rob drew of him with amazingly huge gozangas!

Visually, the game reminds me a lot of the Dark Alliance games but with less zoom/pan controls. On the rare occasion you get to see characters close up, such as the boss fight against the Kraken, you’ve got some stunning visuals. Otherwise, there’s too much going on the scene at any one time for any real depth to be put into the models running around slaughtering each other.

The game looks great, and you won’t hear anyone complaining about the graphics, but it’s not pushing the Xbox’s capabilities in anyway, and personally, I found the Capcom 2-D fighters to be more to my like graphics-wise.

Blah blah blah. Maybe if I had been in Marvel vs. Capcom 2, I’d agree with you. Nate’s in that though, and he’s supposedly a big cheeseball still stuck in his X-Force days in that one.

Graphics Rating: 7/10

3. Sound

Can I just say I don’t like my voice in this game. Sure, noooooooo one likes their voice when they hear it on a recording, but this voice actor makes it sound like I’ve got throat cancer something fierce. Oh wait…

The voice acting in this game is very well done. In fact, there are a lot of actors with names you might recognize in here. Danica McKellar voices Sue Storm,

WINNIE FROM THE WONDER YEARS! Hubba hubba!

Crispin Freeman voices the Winter Solider,

He’s a bad ass freaking brainwashed sidekick! Okay, okay, Only Nippon Ichi fans will get that one. But it was either that or joke that he played Lucard in Hellsing. They can’t all be winners folks.

Garbielle Cateris plays Elektra,

Elektra moved from Hell’s Kitchen to 90210, huh?

and Adrienne Barbeau plays Sif.

Captain Murphy and his D-Cups of justice! Oh god, if you’re reading this and you didn’t get that, turn in your geek badge now you zit encrusted overweight virgins!.

This is some pretty high quality stuff for a video game. Even though some characters never get cut scenes, the voice acting is top notch and the bits characters say as they take someone down or even die are true to character, even if the voice isn’t how I imagined the character sounds.

Hey! Hey! Who plays me?

John Kassir

I’M VOICED BY BUSTER FREAKIN’ BUNNY? The Cryptkeeper??? Oh, that HAS to be a shot at what i look like under the mask ,doesn’t it? DEFALCO!!!!! I’ll killing Spider-Girl for that one. Wait. Wrong Editor in Chief. QUESADILLA! Just for that I’m going to hijack a truck with the next issue of Ultimates and not letting it hit stores until 3 straight issues of All Star Batman and Robin the Emo Acrobat have been released. That’s right! They won’t be out until Halley’s Comet comes back around. How do you like that Quesadilla? Where’s your profit margin now you fat bastard? HAHAHAHAHAHA. Wait, that’s not right either. Wait. A quesadilla sounds great. Ummmm….quesadilla. I’ll be right back.

The music in M:UA is amazing as well. The orchestral scores are dramatic, and although they sound more geared towards a high fantasy game, it still works perfectly well here. After all, most RPG’s are high fantasy to begin with. The music never really stuck in my head, especially compared to the voice acting, but it still managed to convey a sense of importance and drama on which each track.

Aurally, MUA is as good as a game gets.

Sound Rating: 10/10

4. Control and Gameplay

Gameplay, MUA is sadly a mixed bag. The game plays and feels like a second rate Dark Alliance. You’re playing from a similar camera angle, except with DA, you could control the camera better, and you had more options.

The actual gameplay is quite simple. Each of the lettered buttons represents an attack. Holding the R trigger and pressing a lettered button gives you a special attack. You use the left thumbstick to move and the right allows you access to the limited camera controls. The D pad allows you to switch between your playable characters. This is great except that often times your CPU partners are far more of a liability than being an asset. The computer will almost always choose to use frontal assaults and fisticuffs, even if the characters are geared for ranged attacks. The AI is also not very bright, for your allies or your enemies, and often times there will be one gigantic clusterf*ck on the screen as your characters are hindered by their own teammates just standing around.

The power system in the game is again very much taken from the Diablo/Baldur’s Gate/Dark Alliance/name your D&D video game and put it here motif. Unlike the DA games, some powers here can not be accessed until you reach certain levels, and all powers have minimum levels at which you can increase their stats. This to me is a letdown, as Raven appears to be shoe horning your characters into getting specific stats at specific levels and that the customization is a shallow facade compared to other action RPG’s games with a similar nature. A far better set up would have been to let players go nuts with the customization but offering a sliding XP scale for varying powers. In this regard, Justice League Heroes does the customization better, but JLH was made by Snowblind, the team who made Dark Alliance 2. Raven just has too many powers and options and then refuses to let you play with them.

Certain characters also have varying advantages. Deadpool and Wolverine can regenerate their health. Some characters can fly. Some have super strength allowing them to pick up heavy objects and huck them. Characters like Iceman and the Human Torch have elemental immunity (Torch against a certain very big evil fire wielder. Trust me on this).

Overall the controls are good, but some camera angle issues, poor leveling up, customization schemes and the slightly dim AI drops this down to being a merely average experience gameplay wise.

Control and Gameplay Rating: 5/10

5. Replayability

Chimichanga, chimichanga

Didn’t you get a Quesadilla?

Yeah, but I had to get a chimichanga too. Say it! It’s fun. Also, enchilada, fajita, and escalope.

Escalope? That’s not Mexican.

I never said it was. Jeez. Do you think I only eat Mexican or something. Boo-urns to you good sir and your attempts to stereotype me into some sort of shill for the tortilla industry. FOR SHAME!

Oookay. Let’s get on topic. With 25 playable characters, 4 different costumes for each character to unlock, comic book missions to find and collect, samples of artwork to find and collect, and a divergent ending based on various options you have in the game

See what happen when Professor X’s favorite S’hiar dies. DO IT! DOO EET! Not that I advocate regicide or anything. Wait. Do the French still have a King?

For your money spent, MUA ensures you can play this game several times over and have a different experience simply due to all the options available to you. Picking a playable team hasn’t been this open since the original Shining Force games.

You should always use me though. I need exposure. And a large easily manipulated fan base who will demand I appear in multiple comics and get to go on a date with Mary Worth. Oh Mary, you make Sunday my funday!

Replayability Rating: 10/10

6. Balance

The big red flag here with MUA is that distance attacks are broken. You are far more likely to coast through the game with a four pack of long range fighters and as you power up the attacks, close combat becomes useless. Use a person who has both distance attacks and flight, and certain boss characters are a breeze when they stomp through characters who can’t attack from a distance. Iron Man and Human Torch are perfect examples of this. Johnny Storm’s main fire attack also has an unexpected bonus of stunning the enemy for a second. Hold down the A button and you can watch enemy life bars drain as if there was a leak in them. The game really is unbalanced by having certain characters be absolutely useless compared others.

I have guns! And I can teleport. You’re not putting me in the useless category, are you?

You’re a far better character to use than Wolverine.

Does that mean I’ll be in 83 comics every month? Because I don’t think Fabian can write that many. Plus, I’m lazy.

Enemy battles on the other hand are very well done. Even certain grunts like the A.I.M. Shielders can pose a challenge at times, and certain bosses like M.O.D.O.K. Throw you outside of your hack N’ slash mentality by forcing you to test your brain power with games of trivia.

Hey! When I had to fight the Kraken, who I must say looks NOTHING like the monster from Clash of the Titans. That was a great movie. I wonder why they don’t do claymation anymore. All the kids are to into the CGI, right? Well, too bad for them. I mean, those California Raisins are a hell of a lot more entertaining that that schelpfest Beast Machines. I heard it through the grapevine. Although I’m not really sure if grapevines are a better alternative for conducting sound that copper wire.

But yeah, the game was all beep boop bib pop. X Y A A X B. No violence, just being able to follow a pattern that a person in single digits should be able to follow. Unless they’re dead. And dead children aren’t funny. Okay, they’re exceptionally funny. Especially if a bear got them. I need a pet bear. I’m going to have to talk to Jen when I get back and ask if I can have TODD-LAR, the child eating cyborg bear who is also half Kree. Heck, I’ll call her now. Otherwise with my attention span…I want a pony.

MUA constantly gives up different challenges besides button mashing. They might not be all that difficult, but the variety more than makes up for it.

It’s also worth pointing out that mid-bosses seem harder to beat than the final stage bosses. Radioactive Man and Bucky were harder than Fing Fang Foom

I’d quote Nextwave, but seeing as their writer stole a book from my writer I’m just going to sit and pout and wonder why I can’t have yellow thought bubbles in this review

Mysterio was harder than M.O.D.O.K, and Krang was harder than the Kraken.

The brain guy from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is in the game? Holy crossover thanks to Superboy Prime punching stuff Batman!

I’d give more, but I don’t want to spoil past the first act. Needless to say, each the end of each level is noticeably easier than the half way point. This is again disappointing.

Overall there are a lot of neat challenges thrown at you. The problem is nothing is actually CHALLLENGING. As well, some playable characters are broken and easily outshine others, and range attacks make the game a lot easier to beat thanks to the thick AI in the game. You do have three difficulty settings, but from my fiddling with all three, there’s not a real step up in the challenge department from one to the other. The AI doesn’t get better, it’s just damage values increase or decrease depending on which side of the fence we’re talking about.

Balance Rating: 5/10

7. Originality

This is the third time Raven has milked this particular cash cow. It’s still a fun game, but there’s nothing really here that makes it stand out from the X-Men games. As well, even ignoring the Legends games, Marvel Ultimate Alliance feels, looks, and plays like a second rate Dark Alliance or Record of Lodoss War game. Like I said, MUA is still a fun and enjoyable game, but pretty much everything in the game has been lifted from a previous Raven title, or a prior action RPG. There’s not much here that’s original save for the game playing like Secret Wars 3.

I already made a Secret Wars joke in this review. The 5:30 show is not different from the 8:30 show

You could have brought up that Beyond is Secret Wars 3.

Why? So that I can remind people a title with the Hood and Kraven junior is selling better than my own? Nuts to that.

Anyway, originality is probably MUA’s biggest and most apparent weakness. Sure we finally have a video game where you can play as Avenger characters since the 16 bit “You will be the ones escaping” game by the same name, and we have a game that will better than even the earlier X-Men games, but Raven really needs to mix up the formula and plot for the sequel unless they want to be accused of beating a dead horse.

Originality Rating: 3/10

8. Addictiveness

Regardless of what my fellow RPG elitists will tell you about how the best RPG’s have massively deep plots filled with allegory and metaphor like the Persona series, sometimes it’s fun just to spend a few hours mindlessly setting fire to bad guys or repeatedly pummeling them mercilessly. MUA has that in droves and I enjoy sitting down for short periods of time and playing a level of the game. I have to admit this is not a game I could play for several hours at a time simply because the story is not as developed as I want. But thanks to all the options, I can go and play a “comic book mission” for twenty minutes, or replay a level trying to find that last Daredevil figure if need be.

What’s here is good. The buttload of options and the fact the target audience will be completely enthralled with this game means that comic book fans will be playing this for a long time to come.

Addictiveness Rating: 7/10

9. Appeal Factor

MUA has that nice one-two punch of mindless violence that is easy to muddle through coupled with highly recognizable characters bearing a massive fanbase. This means the game will be highly accessible to anyone even remotely interested in it and may even help to pull in Marvel zombies that left the flock and more importantly, possibly bring in new comic readers.

If you like Ultimate Alliance’s amazingly stretched out plot where nothing really happens over a long period of time, I suggest New Avengers! It’s like the story of MUA, but with 428% more Ninjas. Also a chick deaf Daredevil who dresses like a man because she was supposed to be Daredevil but no one will admit that because it was like the whole Monarch-Captain Atom thing. But with boobies.

I honestly can’t think of anyone who won’t get some level of enjoyment out of this game.

Dan Didio.

Well okay, maybe.

People who prefer the scintillating love triangle between Riverdale’s favorite son and two lovely minxes.

Okay, I can see the game not really appealing to Archie fans but,

Why would anyone choose Betty over Veronica. Veronica is gorgeous. And Rich. And Eeeeevil. Bad girl are always better than bottle blonde goody-two-shoes. Plus, you know Ronnie Lodge is all about the…things I can’t mention because last time I did Big Moose came over and roughed me up. You know what that’s like when you’re barred from the town of Riverdale, Lucard? Never again can I have a Phosphate from Pop Tate’s Malt Shoppe. Never again can I strive for my dream of playing left center forward on whatever team Coach Kleats is leading to victory this month. Never again can I hold Mrs Grundy in my arms and nibble her earlobes while whispering sweet words of light erotic foreplay involving the two of us, a segueway and four and twenty blackbird that have yet to be baked into a light and golden pie crust. Uh, can you excuse me for five minutes? I have umm…fan fiction to write. Yeah, that’s it.

Ew. Just….ew. But Deadpool’s right. This game’s not for everyone. The gameplay can get a bit monotonous as it is a hack and slash and the lack of any real story development might turn off people not strongly familiar with the Marvel Universe. For everyone else though, the game is a blast to play.

Appeal Factor: 8/10

10.Miscellaneous

There is so much in this game, it’s hard not to give this category a perfect score. There a ton of characters, a lot of collectibles, solo missions to find and beat, with three different rewards levels possible in each mission, an ending that varies slightly, some hidden conversations depending on what characters you have on your team, and so much more.

BUT, it’s not getting a perfect ten here. Why? Because there’s no Hawkeye in this version. Hawkeye is my favorite Marvel character and I was ever so pissed he was a PSP exclusive. Considering the PSP is less successful than the Neo Geo Pocket Colour and about on tap with the N-Gage, this was a bad move by Raven that makes me grumpy.

Geez. Blue Beetle, Booster Gold, AND Hawkeye? Remind me not to ever be one of your favorite characters kid.

Why do you think you’re doing this review with me?

Ah crap…

Plus I like Moon Knight a lot and he’s only in the next gen versions. Boo I say! BOO!

Okay, you’ve been hanging out with me too long Lex…

So I’m going to knock some points off there as this category is totally subjective. And because the game’s still going to get the same overall score without them. It’s more just my way of shaking my fist and stating my displeasure for Hawkeye not being in all versions of the game.

Still, petty annoyances aside, this gamer has so much jammed onto its disc, it’s hard to be impressed with all the little nuisances and the plethora of options designed to keep you coming back for more.

Miscellaneous Rating: 8/10

Well, this was a lot of fun. Which surprises me as I didn’t get to eviscerate anyone.

Glad you could be a part of this review Deadpool. I had a lot of fun.

Anytime man. We’ll do it again when MUA2 comes out. Give me five vampire!

You got it DP! Oh god! OH GOD! It’s all sticky and warm!

Oops. That was my Grundy hand.

I…you…it…your….sp…

Oh, look at that. Cable is calling me on our top secret only I can hear it radio frequency. Looks like…Apocalypse and….Thanos are…trying to rob the Franklin Mint. Duty calls! Professor! Bodyslide by two! NOW!

The Scores
Story: 510
Graphics: 7/10
Sound: 10/10
Control & Gameplay: 5/10
Replayability: 10/10
Balance: 5/10
Originality: 3/10
Addictiveness: 7/10
Appeal Factor: 8/10
Miscellaneous: 8/10
Total Score 68/100
Final Score:7.0 (Good)

The Inside Pulse

Marvel Ultimate Alliance is a fun romp through the 616 (Alan Moore speak) universe. There are some thing I’d have preferred like a better AI, Captain Britain being a playable character, or Hawkeye being in this version, and some tweaks to the point customization system, but overall this was a highly enjoyable game that I can see myself coming back to for quite some time to use as a stress reliever. Whether you’re a comic geek, a RPG fanatic, or simply a casual gamer looking for something new to delve into, I can definitely recommend MUA for purchase.

Short Attention Span Summary
Marvel Ultimate Alliance is a fun romp through the 616 (Alan Moore speak) universe. There are some thing I’d have preferred like a better AI, Captain Britain being a playable character, or Hawkeye being in this version, and some tweaks to the point customization system, but overall this was a highly enjoyable game that I can see myself coming back to for quite some time to use as a stress reliever. Whether you’re a comic geek, a RPG fanatic, or simply a casual gamer looking for something new to delve into, I can definitely recommend MUA for purchase.

Another kid’s movie, another licensed title. I fully admit that I have not even seen the eponymous film yet; while I love Pixar’s work, I find sitting in a theatre filled with children to be tiresome at best, and a hellish experience at worst, so I will be waiting for the inevitable two-disc DVD release to enjoy this little treat. However, the game holds more interest for me than your typical licensed entry does. The developers, Rainbow Studios, are responsible for some solid racers in the past, including the first two Motocross Madness games, as well as Splashdown: Rides Gone Wild, so they obviously have some experience working with different vehicle types. When you also take into account that I’m a big fan of arcadey racers, it’s not too hard of a sell for me. So, the question is, can Cars rise above the sea of licensed junk it swims within, or is it just one in the pack?

1. STORY
From what I understand, the game functions as a sort-of sequel to the movie, occuring the next “season” of racing. While there are a few odd elements introduced to change things up, in general the story is pretty mild. The token open-ended aspect of the environment does give you to chance to explore a few minor side-missions, but overall it’s race, prepare, race, prepare, big race! ad-nauseum. The ending is a pleasant little coda though, and redeems things somewhat.
Story Score: 3/10

2. GRAPHICS
On a visual basis, the graphics are lovely. I have no doubt that the Xbox version is notably superiour to the others; at times, they seem to match the animation from the movie almost perfectly; admittedly though, the rather simple shapes of the cars probably aren’t the most difficult objects to reproduce. There are quite a few movie-quality clips, and they don’t suffer too badly from compression artifacts. The desert landscape you drive through is beautiful, if barren. I was happy to note though that very rarely did I get the sensation that I was driving through recycled terrain. Each area manages to keep a subtly unique identity, which helped when trying to find your way around the back-ends of the map. Overall, a bit plain, but pretty enough for what they were attempting.
Graphics Score: 7/10

3. SOUND
Unfortunately, nothing to see (or hear) here. Standard car noises, engines roar, tires squeal. The music is, I presume, recycled from the film. It certainly seems to fit the bill, but is overall very unnoticeable and generic. The title does feature voice-acting from the original cast, in a nice touch, but dialogue in cut-scenes doesn’t help when the rest of the game is so bland.
Sound Score: 4/10

4. CONTROL AND GAMEPLAY
Average racing game, average control. Powerslides are done with a press of a button, which I found very frustrating, as it really made them dead simple to do, sucking the fun out of them. The opponent AI is weak to the point of being a joke. I’m aware that it is a “kids game”, but considering they offer an option specifically for children, they could’ve put a little more bite on the opponents. As it is I literally won several races driving backwards. Gameplay on the whole is limited to straight races; there are a few mini-game-ish sequences that you can play multiple missions of, but once you get through the first few levels you really
don’t feel any inspiration to continue, as they are deadly boring, with the exception of the tractor-tipping game, which wins points for sheer weirdness. Notably, the tractor-tipping also represents this games token stealth sequence, a “feature” I usually loathe when it’s crammed into a title just to put a bullet-point on the back of the box. Here though, it’s actually one of the highlights. Come to think of it, that’s a bit sad.
Control and Gameplay Score: 6/10

5. REPLAYABILITY
A hard nut to consider here. For the kiddies, I’m sure they’d be more than happy to pore through the game over and over, replaying the story missions and beating all the mini-games to their absolute fulfillment. They’re single-minded like that. However, for the older set who don’t mind playing a game that’s aimed a little younger than they are, while the trip is fun, once you beat story mode you’re not going to want to be back for seconds, no matter how many alternate paintjobs you can buy for Lightning McQueen and company.
Replayability Score: 4/10

6. BALANCE
There isn’t any. Your car doesn’t really change, with the exception of gaining a boost ability very early in the game, and you can win every race your first time with one finger on the gas and one on the stick. If you like playing games just to beat them, rent this one, as you will be hard-pressed not to complete it.
Balance Score: 2/10

7. ORIGINALITY
It’s a movie tie-in, so it automatically loses points there. However, it provides a story that is a continuance to the original film, which is a plus, and it presents itself in a format which is at least somewhat fresh for such games. By that I mean, it’s not generic platformer #20045. Admittedly though, making a racing game out of a movie about race cars is hardly a stretch, but I’m trying to be charitable here. They could’ve put a lot less thought into it than they did, and that’s obvious in play.
Originality Score: 4/10

8. ADDICTIVENESS
You’ll want to beat it just because you know you can. Once you do, it’s unlikely you’ll want to again. However, 8 year old Nascar kiddies who sleep in Lightning McQueen breadspreads will probably treat it like some form of digital crack. At least, until the next big CGI hit.
Addictiveness Score: 2/10

9. APPEAL FACTOR
It has it’s charms, and I won’t deny that. I certainly enjoyed the time I played it, even if I didn’t feel challenged for anything more than the final race. It’s Pixar, it’s shiny, it does act as a nice side-story to the original film, and it plays as well if not better than any movie tie-in this year, and it’s selling like gangbusters to it’s real target audience. If you liked the film, it’s worth a rent if you’re lost for an option one weekend. If you loved the movie, definitely give it a spin, you’ll have fun. I can’t recommend a purchase though; there’s just not enough there to justify dropping more than a rental on it.
Appeal Factor Score: 6/10

10. MISCELLANEOUS
Not much more to say here. It’s an average game with great sales, which perfectly illustrates how much of this industry is a cash grab. However, the developers did put in more than the bare minimum of effort for a licensed title, which is always a pleasant, and appreciated, surprise. It’s that extra effort which gets them the points here, more than anything about the game itself. That’s a little sad, in a way, but that’s how it goes.
Miscellaneous Score: 5/10

THE SCORES
Story: 3
Graphics: 7
Sound: 4
Gameplay/Control: 6
Replayability: 4
Balance: 2
Originality: 4
Addictiveness: 2
Appeal Factor: 6
Miscellaneous: 5
Overall: 43
Final Score: 4.3(Below Average)

Short Attention Span Summary
One of the better movie tie-ins I’ve played, probably in the top ten, not that it’s a big list filled with AAA titles. I had a fun time with it, at least at first. After a while though, it just felt rather empty. By the time I was done, I didn’t want to see it again, I was done. Maybe seeing the film would help with this emotional distance from the characters, but I rather doubt it. I wouldn’t call it Rainbow Studios best game yet, but it certainly won’t hurt their reputation, and hopefully will allow them to go on to bigger and better things. Overall, it’s rather meh, but not a bad game.

To tell you the truth, I have no idea how I happened on this game. I must have been looking at a coming releases list or heard someone else talk about it, but somehow I saw it, assumed it was going to be some gritty dark action game with awful camera angles and moved on.

Then I received some screenshots. It was a 3-D game, but yet it appeared to play like a shooter. A REAL shooter. Not those pansy ass First Person Shooter a dead monkey can beat. I’m talking a REAL shooter. Games like Ikaruga, Gradius, R-Type, Mars Matrix, Gunbird, River Raid, and whatever else you want to pull out that scrolls in one direction or another and you have to have hair trigger reflexes in order to survive a single level, much less beat the game.

Many of you know the 2-D shooter aka a SHMUP is my favorite genre. Then comes 2-D fighters, and Tactical RPG’s round it out. So I was both super happy and yet hesitant the more I learned about Xyanide. Happy because, hey, new shooter! Hesitant because the only real 3-D shooter I truly enjoy are the Panzer Dragoon games. Fellow staff member Tom Pandich leant me the DS game Nanostray, but I found it mediocre and too easy. Still, as the MSRP was 19.99, I decided I needed to get it as I like to be familiar with every game in this genre that actually makes a US release, as Shooters have sadly become overlooked and under-produced as a genre for this entire generation of consoles.

The problem turned out trying to find this thing. I didn’t ask the developer for a review copy, and EB Games/Gamestop wasn’t taking preorders for it, so I had to wait until the game was out and then had to hit my head against my computer screen repeatedly as I learned only one store in a twenty mile radius of me had any copies. That may sound a little nuts, but I once drove 60 miles each way for the last copy of WWE War Zone for the PS1 the day it came out as I was in the middle of Bumblef*ck, nowhere at the time. So I got in the car, grabbed the game and played Xyanide until my arm started to hurt.

So is this going to be one of those reviews where I get up on my cranky retrogamer platform and talk about how you whippersnappers today have no idea what a challenging game is and that back in MY day games like Marble Madness or Battletoads would make you wet yourself with shame as it would show how pathetic you really are at gaming, or will this be a happy jovial review because I finally got a good shooter released Stateside in 2006.

Let’s Review

1. Story

Holy crap. There’s a story to the game. Usually a Shooter’s plot consists of a paragraph or three in the manual and then you’re just blowing the shit of things for an hour or two. Not with Xyanide . When you start this game, you are treated to a very well done cutscene that’s between five-ten minutes long that flesh out the plot. Five-ten minutes is usually 15% of the time it takes to beat most shooters.

With Xyanide the plot is simple and yet very deep for a video game. You play as Drake, a warrior-pilot from the planet Mardar. It is your duty to escort a prison ship carry a young girl names Aguira out into space, and then make sure it is sent into a black hole. Sounds pretty bad. What the heck could a little kid have done to warrant punishment by “Maelstrom” as the inhabitants refer to the hole? Well it turns out she’s a serial genocidal maniac. Yes. She kills entire planets for kicks and tears apart babies with her bad hands. I’m sure the parents are to blame.

Everything goes smoothly with the escort mission until a meteor crashes through the prison ship. A meteor…made of XYANIDE! OH NO! Wait, what’s that? What’s Xyanide? Well, it is a substance that allows whoever touches it to manipulate reality. And evil bitch supreme Aguira has bits not embedded in her flesh. Not good for the universe says I. Drake sees Aguira creating worlds and strange enemies to protect her and he has only one option: Destroy these newly forming war-worlds and the fragments of Xyanide before Aguira uses it to do something truly hellish to all of reality as we know it.

Geez. Usually it’s just “Shoot up some aliens. Here’s your vessel. Nice touch here. With each new level, you again get a cut scene that furthers the story line. By the end of the game, you will find scrawny white haired children to be very creepy indeed.

Compared to games outside the genre, Xyanide has a pretty basic plot that is well fleshed out, even if it lets the action do most of the storytelling. For a shooter though, it’s about as deep as the genre has ever gotten outside of Sigma Star Saga. Playlogic really went above and beyond here.

Storywise, Xyanide gives you a good amount of background information about the world of Mardar and the characters the game revolves around. It’s really nice to see a shooter try to be as intense with the plot as it is with the gameplay. For those who like their shooters just full of bullet flying action, you can skip past the cutscenes. See? Everyone’s a winner.

Story Rating: 8/10

Graphics

The visuals of the actual game play are good, but not great. Both R-Type Final and Gradius looked a lot better, but both games were made by developers who had experience with the genre. Xyanide may lack their polish, but it’s still a decent looking games.

At times the background graphics are a little unclear and due to the part distance plays in the game, you might be shooting at an undefined blob. Even the very large mini boss or the stage end bits of Xyanide you need to destroy are a bit underwhelming. However it’s your own ship and the large (but not boss sized) enemies ships that have a good amount of detail to them, and they appear inspired by the old Buck Rodgers TV show.

The CGI’s are quite nice though, especially the opening one as it gives you a wonderful image of a barren and desolated world. The characters are alien enough looking that you realize you’re far away from home, and yet human enough to make Drake relatable to you, but also to make it a bit creepy that you’re trying to gun down a small child.

The game certainly isn’t go to hold up to the visuals of other shooters that have made it to US shores, but compared to the 2D version of Xyanide on the N-gage, this is pretty acceptable. Especially for a budget title from a small publisher.

Graphics Rating: 5/10

3. Sound

This is always a hard category to rate in a shooter because I’m always too busy dodging a hail of bullets and trying to make it to the next level to even remotely pay attention to any music or sound effects. I just shut my ears off.

The limited amount of voice acting in the game is surprisingly good considering the budget they were on and the bits of music played in the CGI scenes are passable. Nothing amazing or memorable, but nothing that detracts from the gaming experience either.

In game I tried to pay attention and ended up netting my lowest score ever on this game. SEE WHAT I DO FOR YOU PEOPLE? Anyway, there are specific sounds for the various types of armaments you receive in the game, and the explosion that occurs when your ship finally dies is well done, if not annoying.

The sound effects over all are nothing to write home about, but it’s the action in a shooter that takes precedence over all else.

Sound Rating: 5/10

4. Control and Gameplay

I have to admit, the first time I played this game I got my ass handed to me. I went in with a scrolling shooter 2-D mindset and was greeted by a rail shooter 3-D game. It was my own fault. But as I adjusted, I found the game play to be quite similar to the Panzer Dragoon games from my beloved Sega Saturn.

A rail shooter, for those of you who can’t remember them or have never played one, is a shooter where the overall direction of your main character is predetermined. The world is not searchable at all. It as if you are on a roller coaster and you can move to a degree, but mostly your path is predetermined and one can not deviate from it. Your ship can still navigate around the screen and you can aim where ever you want, but when the game says it’s time to bank left or go up, your ship will. This may sound like you lack any sort of control over your ship, but quite the contrary. Rail shooting is primarily only geared towards the background viewing and occasionally creates an obstacle or two for you to dodge. Just look at how insanely beloved the Panzer Dragoon or the pre-Uwe Boll House of the Dead series is by old school gamers and you’ll see it’s really a non-factor control wise.

The actual gameplay involves using both analog sticks on the Xbox controller. At first this bothered me because I’m firmly a believe that shooters + D pads = far more control than with a stick. The left stick controls your ship, and the right stick controls your firepower. In turned out it wasn’t the controls that bothered me as much as the 3-D aspect. I’d think a ship was about to collide with me when really it was under or above me, and then there would be times when I’d think the opposite and KA-BOOM!

Your craft in Xyanide has two distinct types of weapons, mechanical and organic. organic is a more spread fire power, while mechanical is a one shot but more powerful blast. Organic works best when you are facing smaller enemies, because there tends to be a lot more of them and thus you can kill several at once, while mechanical lets you take at bosses quickly…well, a lot quicker than organic fire, that’s for sure.

Your ship will power up by collecting Xyanide fragments. It will give your fighter an extra level in either organic or mechanical power, depending what path you are on when you pick it up. You can also collect special attacks and defensive powers on both paths. I find mechanical has the best option, mainly because of minimize. I can’t tell you what a blessing having a smaller ship is in this, or any shooter. This should be a standard power up in most shooters!

The problem with the power ups is that each one (offense, defense, shields, and support) correspond to one of the ABXY buttons, and it’s quite hard to get to them when you’re using two analog sticks at all times and often hitting both triggers as well to launch missiles and switch between mechanical and organic firepower. A lot of the specials in Xyanide are highly original and very helpful, but it’s a bitch to use them with the layout of the Xbox.

The other control problem is that in order to aim your mechanical missiles, you have to click down the left trigger and then use your right analog stick to aim them. This prevents you from having your normal weaponry available and leaves you a target while, heh, targeting. In most shooters this leads to nigh instant death, and in the later levels of the Xyanide it’s the same thing. If there’s one rule about Shooters, it’s that your ship should be constantly blazing a stream of ammunition. On the other side, unlike most shooters with missiles, you have an unlimited supply of heavy duty damage here. Checks and balances I guess.

There are some control issues, although these are mainly due to the placement of button and layout of the Xbox controller and not a flaw in the game per say. I did try it with my Street Fighter anniversary stick of doom…and had there been two sticks on that well, it would have worked much better than the normal Xbox controller with Xyanide

Control and Gameplay Rating: 7/10

5. Replyability

This is a hard category to judge here. Xyanide gives you nothing really for beating it save some different colour ships. There’s a level mode where you can play specific levels to get better, but you have to unlock each level by getting to them first. However, due to the difficulty of the game, even on its “novice” setting, most non shooter obsessed gamers will spend quite some time before seeing anything past level 2.

If you’re good with a shooter, then you’ll probably play the game repeatedly simply to rack up a higher score as is the appeal of Shooters. Shooters are games that appeal to those that are constantly trying to improve themselves. Those that are bad with shooters will swear all the way through this experience and probably only beat the game due to sheer spite and will then toss the game aside going “TOO DAMN HARD.” Pussies.

The one big bonus to Xyanide is 2-play simultaneous mode. This my friends, is some decent shit. I got together with a friend of mine who hasn’t gamed since the days of 16 bit greatness and whose favorite game is R-Type and man, did we have a blast. One used missiles while the other targeted the stray enemies. 2 Player mode makes the game a lot more fun and gives you a great deal more usage out of the game. Make sure you have friends in real life people!

Either way you’re going to get a decent amount use out of this game if you pick it up. It just won’t be a very diverse use.

Replyability rating: 7/10

6. Balance

Sadly, shooters always get a massive penalty in this column, because they are the hardest genre in all video gaming. Easy on a shooter is like hard on Ninja Gaiden. These are games that require split second thinks and reflexes to match. Sadly the average gamer in this day and age is used to games that lack any real difficulty at all and thus will bitch and moan about it being too hard for their cellulite ridden due to sitting on the sofa and watching too much tv ass. Xyanide is no exception, but it does give you five difficulty levels. It also gives you SOME, but not unlimited continues. The trade off is that if you use a continue your score goes down to 0, as it should be.

Boss battles are even tougher than is some other shooters. Take Ikaruga for example. There you have a timer for the boss. You don’t have to kill it. You just have to survive. In Xyanide when the time comes on, that’s how long you have to kill it or be killed yourself. NASTY.

The one thing that also might frustrate even long time shooter fans is the level length. One level in Xyandide can go up to twenty minutes. And there are six levels. One level in Xyanide is 25-33% of the length of most other shooters in their entirety! Insane. Some hardcore shooter fans might complain about the length as there are used to difficulty but short, not difficult and crazy ass long for the genre.

Xyanide is a tough game, both in terms of difficulty, and in terms of patience one might have for the genre. I loved the level length, as it really tested me, but for most people this game will be classified as “too f*cking difficult.” It’s not a game for the weak of skill.

Balance Rating: 4/10

7. Originality.

Let’s just sum it up right here: Xyanide takes some of the best aspects of a multitude of styles of shooters and combined them into one highly enjoyable game that stands out from all other shooters. Is it the best? No. Is it the most fun? No. But it’s daring to be different and break the mold. I love that I can shoot not just in a 360 spread, but that I can shoot directly in front of and in back of me as well. I love how the distance of items comes into play.

With shooters sadly being a nigh extinct genre in North America, it’s great to see someone trying to revive it and freshen it up by addressing the complaints most non shooter fans have about the genre, mainly the length of the game and the lack of story.

For a budget title, I’m very impressed with Xyanide and am actually tempted to seek out the cell phone and even the N-Gage variants of this game. Oh god, I have to cleanse myself of evil now.

Originality Rating: 8/10

8. Addictiveness

As much as I enjoyed the game, it didn’t enthrall me like most shooters. With Ikaruga or Gradius V, I could play those all day. With Xyanide, it’s hard for me to play more than 2-3 games in a row. It’s a combination of the length and my disliking the control layout on the Xbox controller. Still, when playing the game, I generally shut all distractions out and would find myself pretty engrossed in the game play, if not the story itself. I imagine it will be the same for other shooter fans, even if the game will drive newbies to the genre insane.

Enjoyable for the most part, but there’s no real X factor that gets me so into the game I lose track of time and choose to say, play it over eating or sleeping. For me the level length made the game feel really fresh and fun, but it also killed the “just one more game” aspect for me. Maybe I’m just too stuck in the old style of shooter gameplay and length.

Addictiveness Rating: 5/10

9. Appeal Factor

Hard to find, I’m only the third guy out of any real video game websites to review the game, and it’s a shooter which most American gamers no longer have either the skill or stomach for. Xyanide is doomed to being an underground or cult game at best, championed only by a few dozen on internet message board or chat rooms. It’s sad really, because once upon a time shooters were a very dominant genre. Ah how the mighty have fallen.

Those that enjoy shooters, those that enjoy a challenge, or simply those that still play video games to improve hand-eye coordination and actually get something benefivcial out of a game rather than choosing an action from a turn based system and then watching a five minute cut scene of a Guardian Force being summoned will eat up Xyanide with a spoon. Everyone else…won’t even know the bloody game exists.

Appeal Factor: 3/10

10. Miscellaneous

I’ve been rather hard on Xyanide in areas of this review, but that doesn’t mean I dislike it. Rather, I truly enjoy this game. It’s just that I can see its flaws and review games not just from my perspective but how the gaming community as a whole will take it. It’s hard to find a better game for 19.99 these days, and it’s nigh impossible to find a quality shooter for the Xbox in North America. Well here it is. It’s not the best shooter ever made, but for the cost and budget, it’s surprisingly well made and a lot of fun. I’d say rent it first, but as the print run is so astronomically low, instead I say, “If you see it, BUY it.”

Miscellaneous Rating: 8/10

The Scores
Story: 8/10
Graphics: 5/10
Sound: 5/10
Control & Gameplay: 7/10
Replayability: 7/10
Balance: 4/10
Originality: 8/10
Addictiveness: 5/10
Appeal Factor: 4/10
Miscellaneous: 8/10
Total Score 62/100
Final Score: 6.0 (Above Average)

Short Attention Span Summary
It’s a hard game to find, but Xyanide is one of the better budget titles out there for the Xbox, or even for any console this generation. It’s got its flaws and it’s not as good as shooters you can get for the Cube or PS2, but it introduces a lot of new concepts, and most importantly it’s fun. There’s a version of Xyanide coming out for the PSP soon, so for those of you insane enough to own a piece of junk like the PSP, if your local store was unable to get a copy of the Xbox game, maybe you’ll be lucky enough to snag a portable version. Otherwise, you can always go to the N-gage or your cell phone.

In a day and age where a console lasts about 5 years (and things like the PSP or N-Gage last even less), it’s amazing to think that the Neo*Geo had games coming out for it for a little over 14 years. Alas, the SNK finally buried the Neo*Geo and started making games for Sammy’s Atomiswave. Now considering I own about 50 games for the Neo*Geo, there is no chance is hell I’m going to invest in ANOTHER system that has less games than the Phillips CD-I and whose software costs more than a Gamecube. Nope, with the death of the Neo*Geo comes the final nail in the coffin of my spending large sums on money on games that have been essentially the same for years now.

Luckily, SNK is appealing to the insane KoF zealots like me by porting King of Fighters NeoWave to the Xbox. A great move, if I do say so myself, as NeoWave is essentially a remix of King of Fighters 2002. KoF 2002, for those of you woefully ignorant, is arguably one of the greatest fighters ever made. Anyone who doesn’t put it in their top ten fighters of all time should hang their heads in shame because it either means they haven’t played the game, or they’re one of those people who think the Soul Calibur games have any semblance of difficulty whatsoever. Yes, I’m a 2D snob. At least I admit it. You want a REAL fighter, you come to SNK. When you can perfect Geese or Rugal, then you are truly a master of the arcade stick my son.

So how does the latest game in the KoF line (as well as the first 2D KoF game to veer off from the yearly legacy) stack up in the grand scheme of things?

Let’s Review

1. Story

Ouch. Story? Usually, SNK’s KoF games have a very detailed back story that puts other fighting games to shame. The problem is, the story never actually appears in most of their games, and only the true fanatics of the KoF games know where to find them.

With NeoWave though, there’s not even an attempt to put a plot with the madcap fighting goodness this game contains. There’s occasionally some dialogue, but you couldn’t filled a typed page with the trivial amount this game contains. The only thing I can really tell you about the game is that like in most KoF games, you have twelve teams of three competing (with no strikers, thank god.) to prove their team is the strongest. Then the winners fight a strangely hippie-fied and younger version of Geese Howard that hasn’t been seen outside the realm of Art of Fighting 2in a handicapped match. Of course, Geese doesn’t need a team because he is the man, even if I absolutely hate that they went back to this pretty maligned look for him.

As much as I love the game, there is no story or plot rather that the plot description you can use for every KoF game: People beating the ever-lovin’ crap out of each other.

If you’re looking for plot, a Bazooka Joe comic has more plot that this game.

Story Rating: 1/10

2. Graphics

Ah, the Atomiswave. You would think with a new system, there would be new graphics as well. Right? RIGHT? RIGHT????

Heh. No.

Oddly enough, the games graphics have taken a step down from KoF 2k2 and/or 2K3. If anything, SNK is still using the same models they’ve had for over a decade now. It’s kind of disappointing, as we all know they’re capable of enhancing the graphics to something a little more up to date. I mean, KoF is one of my favorite franchises of all time, but even I get sick of the same exact graphics that I’ve been viewing since before I was old enough to vote.

The character face designs that you see in the openings and/or by your health bar are well done and are quite good for SNK standards. But they’re still well below what you would find on this generation of consoles. hell, the games could easily run on a Playstation or Saturn and the graphics would be exactly the same. Character models are jaggy, blurry, and simply going to turn off a lot of modern gamers because they’ve been brought up to think that graphics are the most important aspect of a game.

All this scorn being pushed aside, there is some obvious graphical improvement when you look at things like the background designs of each battlefield. They are generally highly detailed, lush with colour and easily outshine the character models. Sometimes it’s actually quite humourous to see the actual fighters on top of the level designs, because they clash at points. As nice as the backgrounds are, they only seem to enhance how dated the character models are after all this time.

There’s nothing ugly about NeoWave. It’s just a generation+ behind graphically from everything else out right now.

Graphics Rating: 5/10

3. Sound

Finally! I can start saying NICE things about this game.

Like with most SNK games, the music is catchy and enjoyable. The entire score fits the atmosphere of the game perfectly, where it’s a fast pace tune that mirrors the adrenaline and speed of the competitors, or the more somber music that you’ll find on a battlefield or two.

The voice acting, what little there is, is excellent in a cheesy “That’s our SNK! Ho ho ho.” sort of way. It’s cheesy, especially compared a lot of other games from this generation, but for a fighting game, it’s quite enjoyable and never fails to put a smile to my face. I s till feel the best voice acting in any KoF style game is in the Capcom vs. SNK games. Terry Bogard’s “Come on, Come on!” just gets stuck in my head.

I’ve noticed that the NeoWave score is available for purchase. Although I don’t necessarily think it’s something you should shill out fifteen bucks for, the music is still quite good, and helps to make up for the outdated graphics and complete absence of plot.

Sound Rating: 6/10

4. Control & Gameplay

There’re a few changes from Kof2k2, besides a slightly different character roster. Here’s a quick rundown: