Nicknames: Jack, Jack the Ripper, and all other joke forms of that name.

Location: Maine, NY

Three Favorite Genres:
3D Action
Music/Rhythm
Wrestling

Three Favorite Games:
Final Fantasy Tactics (PSX)
The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (N64)
Guitar Hero Franchise (PS2)

Favorite Console: Playstation 2

Other Places His Writing Can Be Found:
This is my first gig, baby!

Bio: Aaron Sirois is not actually Jack the Ripper. He just though it would be a cool name for an E-Fed character and suddenly everyone on the internet knows him as such. Of all the names to stick….

This is Aaron’s first gig as a writer, and he couldn’t be more excited about it. It all came about when he noticed that PSP games were getting largely overlooked around here and decided to voice some protest when The Gradius Collection won PSP game of the year for 2006. He was asked to put his money where his mouth was and write up a sample review, and was fortunate enough to get the job! Aaron has also learned the merits of the Nintendo DS and plans to review portable games for a long time to come.

(I’m just too damned poor for any next gen console. : ( )

Q&A

1) Alexander Lucard

Portable gaming vs Console gaming. Which do you prefer and why?

Any time about six months ago I would have said console gaming hands down, but now its a harder decision. Most portable games are keeping it simple, while console games are getting more and more complex. Also, portable gaming has gotten me to try games I never would have imagined I’d like. Games like Phoenix Wright, Trauma Center, Lumines, and Puzzle Quest have gotten me to really broaden my horizons. So as of right now, I’d have to say portable wins out. (The fact that I can sneak in a couple hours of gaming during work is no small matter either.)

2)ML Kennedy

How would you make a video game starring the WWE’s Kane?

And don’t think I haven’t thought about this either. The best bet would have to be old school beat em up, preferably based on the times depicted in “Journey into Darkness” where Kane grows up thinking he’s responsible for his parent’s deaths until he sees the Undertaker on TV and realizes its his brother. Of course, I’d have to ramp it up a bit by giving them the powers they occasionally seem to have on TV, such as summoning fire, or lighting bolts.

3) Guy Desmarais

Many people tend to associate certain songs to represent them, or to illustrate their personality. Which video game would best represent you? Not necessarily your favourite, but the one that best illustrates who you are.

Ooooooooh, pseudo-psychology.

I’m a little overweight, so my first impulse is to make a crude Pac-Man joke, but I guess I’ll try to put some thought into this. Of all things, I’m thinking The Sims fits best. I’m always trying to stay on people’s good sides and trying to keep people happy. Get me angry though, and I’ll slap you in the face with a fish!

4) Mark B

What’s your favorite wrestling game franchise?

I’m a WWE guy at heart, so I have to say the Smackdown franchise. I know I’m supposed to say Fire Pro, but I just don’t like it as much. I like the direction the Smackdown games are going. If they’d just spend ten minutes fixing the clipping issues, or get Jim Ross to make some new commentary, it would be fantastic.

5) Lee Baxley

If they made a wrestling RPG featuring every wrestling character in existance, which 4 characters would make up your party?

Kane, Undertaker, Gregory Helms, and Goldust.

6) Misha

In wrestling, what’s your favourite Foreign Object (steel chair/barbed wire 2-by-4, etc)?

Mr. Socko. It can’t get much worse than losing by having a dirty sock shoved down your throat.

7) Charlie Marsh

From worst to best

Wrestlemania Challenge - though it was great to hear nintendoized versions of the wrestler’s themes, these early games just sucked.
WWF In Your House - this wasn’t wrestling. It was mortal kombat. It was still fun, but not good enough.
Wrestlefest - Didn’t get much of a chance to ever play it, but it had a fantastic roster
Monday Night Raw - I’m one of the few who like this, simply because it had the royal rumble in it, and that rumble was awesome. Not my favorite roster
Smackdown! Shut Your Mouth - Huge roster. Decent controls, and it had a draft. Awesome.

8) Robert Capra

Satan has written a deal for you to trade your soul for one power/ability you’ve seen in a video game and have it apply to you in real life. What do you choose and what would be the first thing you’d do with it?

-Despite all of the choices here, I find this to be a very easy decision. I’d take the ability to reverse time as seen in Prince of Persia: Sands of Time. The ability to take back anything I do or say is too great to pass up.

The first thing I’d do with the power? Honestly, I’d problaby end up using it to get perfects on all the songs on Guitar Hero. Once I’d perfected the use of it though, I wouldn’t be able to pass up the opportunity to punch my boss in the face. Rewinding is awesome.

9) Danny Cox

What five Nintendo (first console) games would you want in your collection for all of damnation?

- Well I don’t know if I’d call that hell, but not being able to play God of War or Ratchet & Clank would end up grating on me.

As for what first party Nintendo games I’d go after, that’s easy .

1. Super Mario Bros. 3: My favorite NES game ever, bar none.
2. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time - No branier if I ever saw one.
3. Starfox 64: Endless amounts of replay value.
4: Super Mario World: One of the best platformers ever created.
5: Kirby Superstar: Because Kirby is the single most kick ass character ever created.

10)Fred Badlissi

Blowing on cartridges to get them to work in an old NES: worthless tripe, or believe the hype? And why?

Worthless tripe? Blowing on the cartridge is is a god damned miracle worker! I can’t count the number of times I tried to play something like Wrestlemania or even Snake Rattle & Roll, only to have the TV mock me with blank screen, or worse, play the game like a Picasso painting from hell! It might not always work on the first try, but if you believe and your heart is pure, you just might get to play your favorite NES game once more. Just make sure you don’t have any food in your mouth or else it’ll get messy.

Nicknames: Xylo, Wolfbaronxylo, Kennedy, Mr. Kennedy. . . Kennedy

Location: The South side of Chicago

Three Favorite Genres:
Bad Wrestling Games
2D platformers
Side-scrolling beat ‘em ups

Three Favorite Games:
Shining Force (Genesis)
Fighters Megamix (Sega Saturn)
Super Mario Bros 3 (NES)

Favorite Console: Sega Saturn

Other Places His Writing Can Be Found:
Inside Pulse (Multiple subsites)
Wolfbaronxylo.livejournal.com
The in-boxes of many unfortunate people.

Bio: ML Kennedy is a victim of either relative time dilation or the dark magicks of one John Stamos. In 1988, Stamos was more than twice the age of ML Kennedy. Since that time, ML Kennedy has aged 35 years, whereas John Stamos has aged merely 10 years. Kennedy is now significantly older than Stamos, and this frustrates him to no end.

Moreover we must deal with the problem of an added 5 years. The combined aging of Kennedy and Stamos is 45 years, when it should only be 40. Kennedy claims to have donated those years to Mr. Dick Clark, and that a glitch in the transference caused Mr. Clark to “stroke out like that.”

Q&A

1. Alex Lucard - What brought about your love for Xylo, the werewolf in Shining Force 1?
Kennedy - Well, first off, I’m Xylo, he’s Zylo.
But anyways, many factors have contributed to the Zylo love.
A. I rushed through my first runthrough of Shining Force (a “Max at level 4 promoted” sort of speed). As such, Zylo was way more powerful than everybody else. It’s really easy to keep his stats high because he’s got good movement.

B. My favorite movie when I was 12 years old was Frankenstein Meets the Wolfman. I love Lon Chaney, Jr.

C. When I started a Livejournal, I wanted to come up with a name that was 1) ridiculously geeky so as to mock the concept of a livejournal and 2) easily googlable. Thus Wolfbaronxylo.

Who wouldn’t want to be the king of the forest?

2. Lee - You have asked the rest of us some odd questions. Just wondering, are you insane?

Kennedy - I believe the Tick said it best when he said:
I am mighty! I have a glow you cannot see. I have a heart as big as the moon, as warm as bathwater. We are super-heroes, men, we don’t have time to be charming. The boots of evil were made for walkin’. We’re watching the big picture, friend. We know the score. We are a public service, not glamour boys, not captains of industry. Keep your vulgar moneys. We are a justice sandwich, no toppings necessary. Living rooms of America, do you catch my drift? Do you dig?

3. Guy - What’s your favourite Jean-Claude Van Damme movie and why?

Kennedy - As my buddy DC says, there might not be any other actor in the world that can sweat in slow-motion as well as Jean-Claude Van Damme. That being said, I don’t believe I’ve ever sat through one of JCVD’s movies from start to finish. (I’m more of a Sonny Chiba fan.)

But, recently, one of the local UHF channels was showing that flick with him and Dennis Rodman saving a baby from a tiger in a coliseum whilst riding motorcycles, so I’ll say that one.

4. Mark B. - What would be the most entertaining movie that could be turned into a video game? Not really the BEST, just one that would be guaranteed to amuse you personally?

Kennedy - From Kill Bill to Big Trouble in Little China, there are a bunch of nifty action flicks that could make for good action games.

But to entertain me personally? Well, that’s tough. I used to think that an Evil Dead video game was a can’t miss proposition.

So, I’m going to go with Waking Life . . . as a rail shooter. Take that, you rotoscoped hipsters!

5. Misha - What’s with the Eskimo Spy stuff?

Kennedy - We have a wrestler theme on the DHGF message board, and Dean-o Machine-o is my favorite wrestler. Hence, my message board title of Dean Malenko - Eskimo Spy.

As for the Eskimo Spy bit, it was a running joke around the IWC during Dean Malenko’s WWF/E run. Just after all the R-four-dicals stuff, he was repackaged with some James Bond-esque music and started hitting on Lita. A few people took to calling him Dean Malenko Eskimo Spy. I think that he bought a pair of women off of the Godfather and was tagged Double-Ho Seven by the E.

I understand the spy part, and understand that “eskimo spy” is a pun on “eskimo pie”, but don’t understand what makes Dean Malenko an Eskimo.

There aren’t any Jewish Eskimoes, are there?

And dude, the preferred nomenclature is Inuit.

6. Michaelangelo - You’ve got a reputation for holding film’s feet to the fire when it comes to inaccuracies in science, namely things that defy the laws of physics. And yet you are a video game fan, a genre where physics went out the door with small-chested heroines. How do you reconcile the difference in stance?

Kennedy - Because Video games aren’t art, right?

Ow. Stop hitting me.

I’m kidding.

Geez. Here’s the Cliff’s notes version:

Movies that star humans and take place on Earth should be consistent with the way humans and the Earth work. (Movies in Space tend to get everything wrong, so let’s ignore them.) I know that were I to dive into a window, chances are, the window wouldn’t break. I know that if you just hold down the trigger of a MAC 10, the clip will be empty in under 2 seconds, not 15 minutes. I know that a Kevlar vest isn’t going to stop a high powered rifle.

Most movies don’t know these things, and this is frustrating.

Video Games tend to star non-humans or meta-humans in a different world. What matters in them is internal consistency. It might not resemble a real world situation, but Super Monkey Ball has logical and consistent physics.

Let’s look at a game which might profess to be set in “our world”. Tony Hawk games don’t abide by Newtonian mechanics, but they are internally consistent with what is and isn’t possible. Less people would play Tony Hawk were it to jibe with real world physics.

Bad science is still annoying in video games, but it can often be exploited for personal gain. (read as: plumbers can’t really jump that high.)

7. Charlie Marsh- You just beat Sonic the Hedgehog in a race, how do you taunt him?

Kennedy - For most people, the part of this question which stretches the imagination is racing an anthropomorphic member of the family Erinaceinae.

For me, it is most unrealistic that I could beat anyone, ever, in a foot race. Pregnant cripples run faster than me. I run the mile in 15:30.

But were I somehow able to best Sonic, I’d do a Raven pose, then ask Mr. the Hedgehog where I can buy a pair of those nifty red sneakers.

8. O’Reilly - What is the first thing you ever remember reviewing. Ever.

Kennedy - The first thing I remember reviewing is a TV-movie starring Chad Lowe as John Denver.

It stinks.

9. Matt Yaeger - If you could take a book and make it into a video game, which book and what video game genre?

Kennedy - For a proper book, I’d make a non-linear RPG based on Dilvish, the Damned. It’s an obscure Roger Zelazny novel with vampires, werewolves, magic, a demonic metal horse, and all sorts of nifty things. A sorceror named Jelerak threw Dilvish’s soul into hell for 200 years.

You’d have to escape hell, fight monsters, help the people being opressed by monsters defend your homeland from the armies of Colonel Lylish, negotiate with insect goddesses, track down Jelerak and get your revenge.

For a non-proper book, (i.e. Comic book) I’d want to make a Daredevil video game. This idea could make for a really awful game is done poorly, but here it is.

You make a Daredevil video game where you balance your time between being Daredevil and being Matt Murdock. You could completely ignore being a super hero and just try cases, or you could lose your job and friends and just stop muggings 24/7.

You could use Daredevil to investigate the crimes for which your client has been accused. You could dig up evidence or find the real culprit. Or you could spend half your time defending a purse snatcher in court and the other half stopping Bullseye from assassinating diplomats.

10. Bryan Berg- Imagine you’re an evil genius and you need one video game villain to do your bidding - mess with the heroes, hire underlings, obtain treasures, so on and so forth. Who do you choose and why?

Kennedy - I’d rather be Owen than Xanatos, but I’ll give this a whirl.

While it would be tempting to pick somebody like Dark Dragon or Ganondorf or Xel’lotath, one has to ask: Is this a good idea?

Most are too powerful too control, too ambitious to take orders or just unpleasant to be around.

I’d like to hang out with Bowser, but I wouldn’t hire him for a job.

So, I need somebody whom I can trust. Someone who can keep me organized, and scheduled. Some one who is competent and who doesn’t wait around in his/her lair to be stomped on.

The choice is clear: Nastasia, from Super Paper Mario.

Three Favorite Genres: At the moment…
2D Fighters
Light Gun games.
Anything with RPG elements outside of traditional RPGs

Three Favorite Games
Samurai Shodown 2 (Neo Geo)
Dr. Mario (NES)
Legacy of Kain: Defiance (XBOX)

Favorite Console: Sega Saturn

Other Places Writing Can be Found:
The Daily Texan
411 Mania
Inside Pulse
Artisan News Service (my pieces are most likely retired)
Various classes for various people at a “major research university” in Texas.

…and other venues as the wind blows.

AUTO-BIO: My name is Fred Badlissi. Professionally, I have sold, packaged, helped produce, helped design, tested and written about video games. I’m also quite the idealist. With these things in mind, one might wager that I have a thing or two to say about the industry every so often. I’ve also got a kind of affinity for popular culture and events surrounding world history and current events, and have some credentials to that effect. So if you come across an analogy like “Rare is the Metallica of game developers” or “Microsoft’s coyness about XBOX 360 reliability rivals Israel’s policy of nuclear ambiguity,” I assure you- it makes sense. You’re welcome to email me about it :)

Q&A with other DHGF authors:

ML Kennedy asks “If you could have any animal from a video game as a pet, which would it be?”

This is a damn good question. Please allow me to qualify it.

If we’re going for real animals, I’d wager I’d probably like to have either Poppy, Galford’s dog from Samurai Shodown, or Mamahaha, which is Nakoruru’s falcon from the same franchise. If I ever tragically lost my sight, Poppy would be easier to explain to libraries and businesses as a visual aid -a helper animal- than Mamahaha. However, how f’in sweet would having a trained falcon be? I’d never have to ask for fries again.

If we’re rockin’ fictional creations, I’d have a Snorlax. Bar none. He’s the greatest icon of rampant consumerist capitalism in the Pokemon universe. He eats whole banana trees and then sleeps for what- 18 hours in the day? He’s the ultimate leisure companion, and he could ease the process of any roof repair within hours. We’d also make a killing at elementary school Halloween carnivals and esoteric bar mitzvahs.

Guy Desmarias asks “For some unknown reason, this is the last day you will be able to play video games in your entire life! What do you play”

It’s not really what I’m going to play, but rather who I’m going to play it with. When you get like-minded heads together over a well-designed or a product with like-appeal across tastes, you really can’t go wrong. Based on who I’d play games with, it would probably be with friends between a Samurai Shodown title, Dr. Mario or a sweet 2-player game of Ms. Pac-Man.

Charlie Marsh asks “If you could sit and have a beer with any video game character, who would it be and what is the first thing you’d talk about?”

At this point, I’d probably want to sit down with Kain from the eponymous Legacy of Kain series. Here is a character that was charged with being a messiah to his world, and threw it all away into a near irreparable mess. I’d just love to meet a personality who literally had a sure bet to save the entirety of his world and all it’s life, then throw it all away for greed. (at least, until the latest game)

As for a question, I’d ask him point blank why he did it, and more specifically, the circumstances that surrounded it. How did the guy grow up? Did he feel a sense of entitlement? Did he live his days dejected? Those curiosities and more would linger over what I would hope would be a great lager or a decent ale.

Bryan Berg asks “Your columns, while rather infrequent, are awesome. Why the hell don’t you write more?!?”

I’d like to say that I haven’t stopped writing. However, the lack of a product is a lack of a product. God forbid I’m going to be GameFAN’s resident Duke Nukem. However, the reason behind the infrequency is twofold: a lack of real inspiration from an industry that has turned it’s back on creators and consumers alike, and my personal delusional quest to write good pieces.

Having been in and out of different aspects of the console gaming industry, I’ve seen the high points of real pride and jubilation around the creation of a product and I’ve also seen the lows that surround the business end of things. It sounds notoriously Marxist, but there is a paranoia surrounding the collection of profits that kills creative energy in the industry. There’s only so much praise you can dole out before it degrades from ‘valid’ to ‘ceremonial.’ With that in mind, perhaps my muckraking dreams can find a place here.

Also, if I feel that I can’t do a topic justice, I simply won’t write about it. If you’re spending your precious time and energy to read my thoughts, I want to give you something unique and thought-provoking. If I can’t give you that, then I’ll move on to the next topic. That’s why I love writing about topics - almost 6 years ago - that most mainstream gaming sites are only now beginning to tackle. Stuff like the homebrew scene, and the collective consciousness of surrounding gaming culture. However, if I can’t bring something genuinely new to the table, I’ll keep in wait until I can do so.

With that in mind- wanna do a piece on the opportunity costs behind selling off your entire collection? ;)

Bebito Jackson asks “Bryan took my question. So I’ll do another: If you had to choose another writer on the site that is the exact OPPOSITE of yourself in relation to your work, who would it be & why?”

Why are you asking me to finger Liquidcross? :) (I jest!)

But seriously, that’s a hard, hard question. There are aspects of differences. Lucard is far more prolific, Misha is more charmingly stranger, but I think that it just might be Alex Williams.

A-Will’s writing style comes at you head on like a freight train. Or a non-doping Norwegian Athlete (!). While I couldn’t put a finger on it, and this may make me sound like a punk, but I read his stuff and I think “I don’t write like this.” And that, friends, is a good thing.

Misha asks “SDCC is having a Video Game section this year, and you’re in charge. What guests do you book for panels/speeches/signings/etc and why?”

I have no idea what SDCC is, so I’m going to go out on a limb and say “San Diego Community College.”

Then I’d ask “what on Earth does the student body want to learn about the games industry?” And with that in mind, I’d ask the following. You’ll find one or two sentences following each name for your reason:

-Randy Linden (The guy that wrote the bleem! program): That cat was WAY ahead of his time, and dared to go in the face of a behemoth like Sony to innovate new ways to play games that you already paid for. Platinum respect for this man.

-Koji Kondo (composer for Mario Bros, Zelda): I’d have him talk about crafting the perfect score to a title, with attention not only to subjective stuff like ‘crafting the mood’ and telling us about his composition style, but also the hard and heavy stuff- like why the only Mario tunes that come to my mind are in major keys, and what key signatures and stuff mean for game tone and design.

-Bernie Solar (former president of more companies than I care to remember): This guy would be a riot. Not only did he helm many of the most memorable companies to pop into gaming from our generation, but he’d have a wealth of stories to share about the business and personalities.

-Steve Ballmer (CEO of Microsoft, methinks): Just for the sheer satisfaction derived from hooking him up to a lie detector test and coming clean about Xbox 360 malfunctions.

And if there were time, probably anybody connected with Sony and marketing.

(Addendum: Misha later clarified the meaning of SDCC…

“Not really. However, I’d fear for the innocent fanboys and girls among the crowd who risk realizing that the brands they so passionately love and follow are run by fallible business people.”)

Chris Pankonin asks “What is your most memorable video game moment or achievement?”

Most memorable? Probably the time I beat Ninja Gaiden 2 on the NES for the first time. Two or three years ago.

After a time that usually describes the length of Toyota reliability or life prison sentences, I decided to try playing NG2 and actually beating it- something I had never tried to do when I was younger. When I did, I thought “Finally!”

Most gratifying would probably have been beating Bionic Commando. ReArmed is probably the title I’m most psyched about this year.

Geli Warner asks “What is your favorite food to eat when you’re glued to a game?”

Would you believe I don’t eat when I play games?

Crazy. But there was a time, way back when, during which a really good friend of mine would be the best host in the LA-area and buy massive amounts of Costco-brand pretzels, Trader Joe’s brand frozen pizzas, and too much Diet Coke, the last of which I don’t ingest due to an irrational fear of osteoporosis.

Although I do relish a good glass of water. Keeps me rooted in reality that only the cleverness of Eternal Darkness can pull me out of.

Mark B. asks “What video game genre actively repulses you the most, and what would you do to make it acceptable to your tastes?”

Actively repulses? I’ve gotta admit I’ve never collapsed upon hearing someone say “Fred! Take this controller! It’s connected to a Madden title!,” but I tend to stay away from turn-based strategy games and traditional RPGs. That happens basically for the same primal reason I enjoy other types of games: if I hit a button, I want to see something happen.

The notable exception to the 2nd genre would have to be Xenogears. Religious overtones and giant robots are as awesome as other combinations I love. Like putting “orange” and “chicken” together.

Michaelangelo McCullar asks “What game gave you the biggest sense of satisfaction when you beat it and why?”

Biggest sense of satisfaction? Man, that’s a doozy of a question. But if I had to narrow it down…

It was probably Bionic Commando for the NES. Probably for the same reason as Ninja Gaiden 2- that is, it was a bitch to attempt to beat when I was younger. Then, as the years passed and my internal rage towards the game grew, I told myself “I’m going to beat this game.” Upon doing so, I felt a minor chapter of my being was finally closed.

Felt pretty good when I finished Link’s Awakening. That, and Sonic Adventure with all of the characters including Super Sonic.

I know you asked for one game, but there’s lots of love to go around.

Name: Matthew Yeager
Nicknames: Chick Magnet, Kazendar the Barbarian, Mad Dog, Jagermeister, Thrill Ride, and Alchoholic (though the last one might count as a title instead of a nickname).
Location: The hardcore streets of Minneapolis, MN. Midwest represent.

Three Favorite Genres:
-Survival Horror
-Light gun games
-Pinball games

Three Favorite Games:
Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas
Area 51 (the light gun game)
Final Fire Pro Wrestling

Favorite Console:
Sony Playstation 2

Other Places Their Writing Can Be Found: Facebook, Livejournal, Myspace. All the usual places where you can find cyberstalkers.

Bio: At some point in a son’s life he comes to the realization that he’s better than his father at something, for Matt this came at an early age when he could beat his father in almost any Atari game. A little known fact, but at one point you could find Matt’s initials at the top of every high score list for the arcade game Marvel vs Capcom 2 in the Twin City area. Now he doesn’t even remember how to play the game. Matt lives with his wife, and they hope someday to be disappointing parents to some poor child.

Q & A

Alexander Lucard- As we are the only two Kliq members to hang out on a semi-regularly basis, what would you say is the stupidest thing we have ever gotten up to?

Matt- The thing I felt the dorkiest at would have to be either the wild and exciting Heroclix tournament at the Burnsville Mall, or the Pokemon Event at the MOA. I’m pretty sure we did something stupid with John and Summer and driving around with your car once as well, but I can’t remember.

ML Kennedy- Which would you rather play:
A. an RPG starring Futurama’s Bender
B. a dating sim starring MST3K’s Crow T. Robot
or
C. a Nintendogs style game where instead of dogs you raise Cenobites?

Matt- All of the above.

But mostly C. The cenobites would be adorable.

Dave Olvera- Which old Sega studio was your favorite?

Matt- Got me, I didn’t own a Sega system till the Dreamcast(I was poor). I played it at friends houses and the game I remember most fondly is Streets of Rage.

Bryan Verg -Has anyone ever bought you a shot of Jager just trying to be clever?

You know, because of your name.

Matt - Yes. I didn’t actually like Jag at first, but now I think it’s great. Though a lot of people think it’s funny to call me Jagermeister the first time they meet me, which unless it’s a hot chick, is a mistake.

A hot chick can call me Sunny McNo-Nuts and I’d be okay with it. I’m sexist.

Guy Desmarais- What’s the stupidest thing you have ever done in the name of gaming?

Matt- I looked forward to the release of Urban Chaos for the Playstation for months, reading previews and actually put a downpayment on the game. I was sixteen, living in a friends basement, poor as hell and shouldn’t have bought a $50 game anyway. It came out, bought it day one. It sucked. A lot.

So I took it out of the machine and broke it into pieces. I could’ve traded it in, or done something with it. I might as well have lit $50 on fire. Actually, that might’ve been more fun.

Misha- What are your top three “Video games to play with the missus”?

Matt-
Halo 3
Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles
Mortal Kombat

Michael O’Reilly how many games do you think you’ve reviewed over your lifetime?

Matt- Over my lifetime? Christ if you include all the random stuff probably something like 60 games. Nothing like Lucard’s total.

Frederick Badlissi- When I think of your last name, I invariably thing of a certain drink that begins with a deceptive J, rather than a US-English-complicit Y. Was this ever an issue for you?

Matt- Nope. Helps people figure out how to pronounce my last name though (sounds exactly the same).

Our staff seems to enjoy Jagermeister.

Mark B.- How many of the games on the Worst Horror Countdown did you actually PLAY?

I know you played the ones YOU wrote about but I’m curious how many you played out of the ones I did.

Matt- (Mark is referring to The Best Feature Done Ever In The History of Anything. No bias at all. I think I played 21 out of the 32.

Chuck Platt Why are you so awesome?

Matt- Because I can lactate out of my third nipple.

Three Favorite Genres:
Platformers
Action-Adventure
Too many genres tied for third

Favorite Console: Nintendo 64

Three Favorite Games:
The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (N64)
Super Mario Bros. 3 (NES)
Super Mario 64 (N64)

Other Places Their Writing Can Be Found:
kapoutland.net
insidepulse.com
tpww.net (archives)

Bio: Guy Desmarais started on the Intellivision, nonchalantly playing games like Donkey Kong Jr. or The Smurfs. When his parents bought the brand new NES, it was love at first sight. Starting with the Mario series, and eventually moving on to harder games, Guy looked like he was a natural. His only problem was that he couldn’t speak English, resulting in a two-year long quest to finish the original Legend of Zelda. By the time “A Link to the Past” came around, he sat down with an English-to-French dictionary and vowed to make it through the game before he hit puberty. Over the years, he has kept an unflinching love of everything Nintendo, even making it through the dark years of Sony’s dominance. Being more than a video games columnist/reviewer, Guy is also a skilled amateur hockey player as well as the webmaster of his own site.

1. Alexander Lucard– “What about Nintendo makes you foaming at the mouth loyal to them. Even in the dark days of the Gamecube and N64.”

It’s simply because Nintendo has always been the one to provide me with my favorite games. The Mario and Zelda series are at the top, and back when I was a huge wrestling nerd, THQ/AKI games where at their best on the N64. I am not loyal to them to the point of being blind when it comes to other consoles. I still enjoy playing other consoles with my friends, but since my money is a bit limited, I try to concentrate on what I like the most.

You mention the N64 as “Dark Days”, but its lifespan held some of my greatest gaming years. Super Mario 64, Ocarina of Time, Goldeneye, the wrestling games, Blast Corps, Star Wars: Rogue Squadron, Pilotwings 64, Mario Kart 64… My friends and I were hooked. I did stop buying as much games when I entered college in 2001 (which coincides with the Gamecube era), so when I finished my degree in 2004 and had more free time, I bought a Gamecube as well as every good game I had missed. So in a very small time frame, I went through Wind Waker, Super Mario Sunshine, Paper Mario, TimeSplitters and many other fabulous games. All in all, the Gamecube years weren’t too bad for me either because I had a huge backlog of games to go through.

2. ML Kennedy – “Guy, which Canadian pasttime would make for the best Video Game:

A. Going to Tim Hortons
B. Eating Poutine
or
C. Watching beavers build lodges?”

They all have a bit of potential. Watching beavers build lodges could be in the next “Endless Ocean: The Great White North Edition” where divers also stalk salmons going upstream while trying to dodge the occasional bear that’s gone fishing. Poutine could be Quebec’s gift to the upcoming “Cooking Mama: International Recipes”. But I think that Tim Hortons has the most potential, with Tim Horton himself appearing in advergames similar to “Sneak King” and “Pocket Bike Racers”.

3. Dave Olvera – “Can the Habs suck any harder?”

Of course they can! They’ve been on a roll lately, so it’s never as bad as the dreaded years where Réjean Houle was our GM and the team was a heaven for old timers and 4th line players. Right now, they only suck part time, so as long as Alex Kovalev can keep playing good and Huet can continue to play like he does now, I will be satisfied. Plus, we’re even battling for first place right now!

UPDATE: We finished first in the East! YEAH!

4. Misha – “What is the

thing about the Canadian caming scene?”

1) The best thing is that the gaming industry is finally becoming a viable career choice for Canadians. If the industry had been as developed when I was in college as it is right now, I’m not sure I would be doing what I do right now. So the success of many Canadian-made titles, like Assassin’s Creed and Mass Effect is only showing that we have the talent necessary to create games on par with any other region of the World.

2) Can we have games at the same date as the USA, please? We’re not that far, you know.

5. Mike O’Reilly – “Guy, do you find it useful that all games in Canada have to have both an English and a French instruction manual?

Also, how do you feel about Quebec taking the blame for Rock Band’s delay launching in Canada?”

For someone like me, there is no real utility considering the fact that I have a good knowledge of the English language. Still, not everybody in Quebec speaks English, so for the sake of trying to sell more games, I can see the point. Games sold in Spain would be in Spanish, so games sold in Quebec should have both languages.

I didn’t know we were taking the blame for Rock Band’s delay. It can’t be because of the in-game translation, as my friend owns it and I can tell you there is none. It’s not because of the instruction booklet, because EA has been including French booklets in their game for a long time now. So what’s their excuse? And why wouldn’t they be able to do something that every other publisher has been able to do without a hassle? Nintendo even releases bilingual games nowadays, without delay.

6. Bryan Berg – “What is the most annoying stereotype Americans have of Canadians? And how true is it?”

I don’t really know any stereotypes that Americans have of Canadians since I am French Canadian. Quebec kinda lives in its own little world, so I’m not really aware of that. The only two I know of is that Canadians are supposed to say “eh” at the end of each sentence or that Canadian beer is supposed to be stronger, but I wouldn’t call them “annoying”.

One thing that American don’t seem to understand though is that “French” and “French Canadian” is not the same thing. I know that sometimes, when Americans notice that I speak French, they start joking about berets, smelling like onions and eating cheese. I usually tell them that they get their stereotypes mixed up and that Quebecers are more like lumberjacks. Quebecers have as much stereotypes of French people as Americans do. ;)

7. Frederick Badlissi – “In your opinion, would an alternate history in which the British crown DID NOT acquiesce to Quebec’s wish to speak French be a compelling game? Why or why not? And if so, what points would you highlight?

Also, if it is apparent that I have no command of French-speaking Canadian history, do let me know.”

Well, British government DID NOT want Quebec to speak French. In fact, with Lord Durham’s report and all that stuff, the recommendation was to assimilate us, which obviously did not work. We earned the right to speak French by revolting and waging war at obviously losing odds. Yeah, we ended up losing, but by resisting, it showed that French Canadians would not settle with being assimilated, so they just kinda let us be in the end.

However, I have to agree that a game about Quebec patriots from 1837 to 1839 could be cool. Lots of battles happened during that time, and while the game would eventually end with the death of its protagonist, it would have a good story of resistance and rebellions. It could have potential.

8. Mark B. – “Is the gaming culture dramatically different in Quebec as opposed to how it is here (with full television ads for high-profile games and 8-bit Mario shirts on sale in every Target and Hot Topic across the country)?”

We always had TV spots and publicity, although not with the frequency and visibility it has in the United States. T-Shirts are also present, but more recent. I wasn’t seeing a lot of it until the last year or so.

I wouldn’t say that it’s very different, just that I know a lot of people who had difficulties playing some text-heavy games in the 90’s because of the language barrier, but I don’t know if that would have shown differences in Quebec’s sales charts from the time when compared to the USA. Nowadays, more and more games are being translated in French, but it doesn’t really matter to me. I still play them in English, mostly out of habit, but also because the translation is often laughable.

9. Chuck Platt– “What is your least favorite game genre and why?”

I haven’t played an MMO game I liked yet. I don’t have the patience to go back to a game with the regularity needed to be effective. I don’t have the will or the interest needed to maintain a character for a long period of time.

There are also other genres that I don’t usually play, like puzzle games or shmups, but even in these categories, I usually find a game or two which I love, while when it comes to MMO games, I have absolutely zero interest.

10. Bebito Jackson - “Rate the following games in descending order of greatness, 1-10:

Super Mario World (SNES)
Mario Teaches Typing (PC)
Super Mario Bros. 2 (NES)
New Super Mario Bros. (DS)
Dr. Mario (NES)
Mario Tennis (N64)
Mario Bros. (Arcade)
Mario Kart (NES)
Mario Kart: Double Dash!! (GC)
Donkey Kong (Arcade)”

Super Mario World (SNES)
Super Mario Kart (SNES)
New Super Mario Bros. (DS)
Mario Tennis (N64)
Mario Kart: Double Dash!! (GC)
Super Mario Bros. 2 (NES)
Dr. Mario (NES)
Mario Bros. (Arcade)
Donkey Kong (Arcade)
Mario Teaches Typing (PC)

Super Mario World is one of my favorite game ever, so that was easy. Super Mario Kart just might be the best kart game to ever exist (although depending on my mood, this could also be Mario Kart 64). The New Super Mario Bros was surprisingly fun, with creative level design that reminds me of the old days. Mario Tennis is in my opinion the best Mario sports game. It’s a shame that the sequel wasn’t as good. Double Dash is another favorite of mine simply for the one screen multiplayer mode. Super Mario Bros 2 is probably the worst of Mario’s platformer, which still places it above 90% of every other platformers ever released. I still get the itch for a couple Dr. Mario games every once in a while, which shows the game’s staying power. Mario Bros. was a favorite of mine when I was younger, but haven’t played it in years. I know Donkey Kong like the back of my hand, but it doesn’t have a lot of replay value. Finally, I never played Mario Teaches Typing, so it gets last place by default.

Three Favorite Genres:
Role Playing Games
Driving Games
Massively Multiplayer Online games

Favorite Console: Super Nintendo Entertainment System

Three Favorite Games:
Final Fantasy IV (SNES/PS1)
Super Metroid (SNES)
Actraiser (SNES)

Bio: Lee Baxley has been gaming since the early days of consoles, but didn’t get really hooked until the NES came out. He lost his Nintendo fanboyism during the N64 days, and switched alliegences to Sony’s Playstation. He is now firmly a neutral party and will play only what he likes. His claim to fame is working as a desktop support tech for 2015, and even has his name in the credits of Men of Valor. Because of this experience, he has a slightly different perspective on the gaming industry than most gaming journalists.

Q&A:

1. Alex Lucard - What are the best and worst anime series themed games you have ever played?

Easily, the best games based on an anime for me would have to be Record of Lodoss War. Even though I hated the voice acting, the game itself was a lot of fun, and I miss it dearly. I also liked the .hack series to a point, but that doesn’t count because the game and anime were produced at the same time and one wasn’t really based off the other. I also remember playing some of Hamtaro Ham-Ham Heartbreak, and it was really cute.

On the other end of the spectrum, most anime-based games simply look or sound bad, so I try to avoid them. I played the demo of Dyantasy Warriors Gundam and had absolutely no fun at all. I don’t get why people eat up all these DBZ and Naruto games that just look like the same regurgitated crap every single time.

2. ML Kennedy - Were you to have the powers of Kirby, whom would you eat and why?

I’d eat everyone. And poop them out. And giggle. And repeat.

3. Dave - Favorite snack food?

I honestly don’t really snack much. Though if I had to pick, I’d say chips. Sour Cream and Onion Baked Lays have been my favorite as of late.

4. Guy - Are you really that much of a drunkard? And while we’re on the subject, what’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? And while we’re on the subject again, do you have any fun stories of drunk gaming?

No, I actually drink very little. I used to drink more often, but now I can’t drink heavily unless someone else is also drinking heavily. I can’t be the only drunk. As for a favorite, I’d go with Jack and Coke, all the way. And the only drunk gaming memory I have is playing DDR. I was very, very drunk, and I was dancing on the pad (and it was my first time to do so). My opponent was stone sober, and playing with a gamepad. And I still kicked his ass.

5. Misha - Rate the following in order of preference

Kitties
Guns
Beer

All are awesome. Very much so. I would go with Kitties, Beer, then Guns.

As an aside, it’s a joke amongst my friends here that my perfect MMORPG would only involve kitties and crafting. And I don’t argue with them, because that would be very awesome.

6. Michaelangelo - You’ve been given carte blanche to resurrect a dead franchise. Which one would it be, and what would you do to improve it?

That’s putting me on the spot. I’m sure if I were given time, I could think of plenty of them. The one that comes to mind immediately would be Actraiser. I love the original so much and can go back and play it over and over, so I would love to see a new game in that series (more like the first and not the second please!). And of course, I wouldn’t mind a new Chrono game, but I’m sure Square is planning on making one at SOME point considering that’s what many fans want.

7. Matt - If you could work for one developmental company which would it be? On the flip side is there a company you would not want to work for ever?

Good question. If I had the option of working at any game studio, it would probably be either Blizzard or Zenimax Online (Bethsoft). Since the most likely job I would get would be writing or design, I’d like to work for a company that is known for their ability to craft worlds, places that have substance AND style.

The LAST place on my list would be pretty much any studio working under EA. They are in the business of churning out game after game, and often cut corners and rush things, so I wouldn’t want to be involved in something like that. Though working for Will Wright wouldn’t be so bad because that mofo is creative.

8. Bryan - What appeals to you most about anime?

I like anime for many reasons. For one, when compared to current American animation, Japanese animation is just so vastly superior. I also like how there are many shows that appeal to my wacky tastes. I like boobies and blood, so there’s Elfen Lied, which has both in spades. I like wacky, off the wall comedy, so I have Excel Saga. And I like harems, so I can watch Love Hina…or pretty much about half the anime series out there. Plus, there are so many good stories out there. Stories that span the entire series, whereas most American animation has each episode be a single story, and they rarely continue into the next, so there’s no real conclusion. Plus, most American shows are only about selling toys, which has been the case for as long as I remember. Finally, there’s no fan service in American cartoons!

9. Mark - What fighting game character do you think you could most easily take in a fight?

Probably the kid from Earthbound/Mother who is in the Smash Brothers games. I’d so kick that little kid in the face.

I wouldn’t mind getting into a fight with Chun Li or Mai, so they could kick my ass any day. That would make me happy.

10. Fred - Complete this SAT-style analogy: “________ is to (publisher of your choice), as the Mc Rib is to Mc Donalds.”

That’s a hard one, because some people think that the McRib is a wonderful thing, but I think it’s the spawn of the devil. So to answer the question, obviously EA.

Three Favorite Genres:
RPG’s in various flavors.
Fighting Games.
Adventure Games.
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3 Favorite Genres:

1) Dungeon Crawls
2) Tactical RPG’s
3) Wrestling games

3 Favorite Games:

1) Fatal Fury: Mark of the Wolves
2) Ikaruga
3) Gunstar Heroes

Favorite Console: Sega Dreamcast

Bio: Born on a Merchant Marine vessel headed towards the Micronesian Islands to a whore and a pirate, Chuck Platt was destined to review video games. Raised on a steady diet of white rice, professional wrestling, and video games a few years past their prime, Chuck became addicted to Contra and Gradius. Sadly, young Chuck discovered that the glow from the TV was not love, as he previously thought, but instead fatal radiation. After losing both legs and his left nostril to radiation poisoning, Chuck laid in bed for a decade, doing nothing but reading video game magazines. With the dream of becoming the World’s Greatest Video Game Journalist burning in his chest, Chuck looked down at his stumps only to discover he, in fact, possessed all of his appendages. Apparently, the author was only lazy. Now poised to destroy all the fake gamers, Chuck is loosed upon the world. Gods have mercy on our souls.

Q&A:

1- ML Kennedy

Choose one to marry, one to fuck, one to stab: Princess Peach, Princess Zelda, Cooking Mama

Marry Cooking Mama, Fuck Peach, and Stab Zelda. Cooking Mama can make me that sweet sushi goodness, Peach has DSL, and Zelda is obviously a lesbian.

2 - Alexander Lucard

Which tabletop RPG do you feel has been best converted into a video game? Which do you think has been the worst?

Well, AD&D, via the Baldur’s Gate series, was the best approximation of the old school hack and slash dungeon crawl of my mis-spent youth. Shadowrun for the 360, being a FPS and sucking so very, very hard. It makes me cry that such a cool franchise has seen it’s end in such an awful manner.

3 - Bryan Berg

What are the best and worst controllers of all time?

Best controller of all time: SNES Pad
Worst controller of all time: The original NES pad, after switching to a dog bone, it’s impossible to go back to the old one.

4 - Aaron Sirois

Sega Genesis or Super Nintendo?

5 - Charlie Marsh

Who would you rather face in a fight to the death: Ryu from Street Fighter or Ryu from Ninja Gaiden?

Street Fighter. I would rather get beaten up than sliced in half.

6 - Matt Yaeger

If videogame characters existed in an alternate dimension, died, and then reincarnated in this dimension, which videogame character would you have been in a past life?

I was Bub from Bubble Bobble, Duck King from Fatal Fury, a Barrel from Donkey Kong, and Bio-Force Ape.

7 - Guy Desmarais

Do you play rhythm games, and if so, what song are you the best at? In other words, what song would you play/dance to in a rhythm game if you wanted to show off to your friends?

I love the Karaoke Revolution games and play them with my wife, sister in law, and niece quite often. My jam is “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life” by Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes. I will kill anyone at that song. A close second is the Whitesnake classic, “Here I Go Again”, which I am pretty boss at.

8 - Frederick Badlissi

If you could pick any historical event out of non-US history and turn it into a game,
A) What would the event be?
B) What would the game type be? and;
C) What version would play best: the Dreamcast or SNES version?

The Anglo-Zulu War, with the caveat that I want some insane Japanese company to develop it with like dragons and magic and zaniness. It would have to be something horribly inappropriate, like a turn based Ogre Tactics style RPG with crazy magic spells. Dreamcast vs. SNES is a trick question: the SNES wersion would have zero load times but the Dreamcast would have an awesome soundtrack entirely in Dutch.

9 - Misha

What’s your favourite video game explosion?

Pre-Cambrian? No, I’ll go with… the boss at the end of stage one of Gradius.

Nicknames: I don’t really have any nicknames, so I’ll just go with…Snake

Location: Syracuse, NY/Orange, CT

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