I picked JLH up a few weeks ago for ten dollars used at an EB in Fairfax, VA. I had my Edge card and a 25% off used PSP games coupon and they stacked so I decided to try the game. After all, Snowblind studios gave us Baldur’s Gate: Dark Alliance 2 which was our 2004 RPG of the year. I also liked Activision’s Marvel: Ultimate Alliance and have always preferred DC to Marvel, so I decided to drop the ten spot.

Let me just say this. My Justice League is not the big 7 that are featured in this game. My league is Blue Beetle, Booster Gold, Fire, Ice, Mister Miracle, Guy Gardner and Rocket Red. I understand however, that this won’t sell games, so I’m fine with that. Except for the Guy bit as they included every other GL from earth but the awesome one.

So how does the game hold up a year and a half after it came out? Does the game pale compared to M:UA, or do we finally have a quality DC based game for the first time since the NES Batman?

Let’s Review

1. Story

Oh my god awful. The dialogue and the basic script are amongst the worst I have ever seen. Holy god awful. Supposedly Dwayne McDuffie wrote this, and looking at his craptastic run on the current Justice League comic, I can believe it. I’ve always thought the guy was an awful writer, and this pretty much cements it.

The entire game revolves around a hackneyed plot where the League spends most of the game fighting an army of robots created by Braniac with the occasional super villain making an appearance. Pretty crappy bad guys too. Killer Frost? The Key? White Martians? Ick. Oh, and a horde of Doomsday clones that can be beaten down by the fists of Batman. Ooookay then.

Basically Braniac is manipulating the league into fighting all these other bad guys while he gathers a bunch of items and a Mother Box to release Darkseid, who promptly kills him and tries to kill the JLA. The Mother Box however somehow turns Darkseid’s Omega Beams into a teleportation ray which takes the League to an evil dimension filled with more generic monsters. They return and beat up Darkseid and the world lives happily ever after. The End.

Ugh. There is so much crap here that I don’t know where to start. Where is Despero or the Joker or some A level villains? Why are there so many generic bad guys that have never appeared in comics and never will again? Marvel Ultimate Alliance at least gave you real comic based generics like Hydra and A.I.M.

Wading through the plot was a horrible chore. It was basically a two dimensional excuse for the never ending beat ‘em up levels of the game. Each super hero had little to no resemblance to their usual personalities. It was just a disaster through and through. Why is it so hard to write the plot for a DS characters video game. Christ, MIDWAY will probably do a better job with their Mortal Kombat crossover then this.

Story Rating: Dreadful

2. Graphics

The game is passable, but definitely nowhere near what I would call quality visuals. Most of the backgrounds are static and generic. The same can be said for every character in the game. You can slightly zoom in on what is going on, but all the generics are badly designed and lack any real detail. They’re just moving blobs on the screen for the most part. Only the super heroes are passable, and even then it’s only on the character customization screen where you get a good look at them.

The only really positive things I can say about the graphics are that you can unlock some nice costume changes like the Blue/Grey Batman with the yellow oval (My preferred look for him) and some Earth-2 characters like Kal-L and Jay Garrick. Nice touches.

The cut scenes again are okay, but pretty average fare. I thought Dark Alliance had crisper and better animated characters whereas the CGI in JLH was very muted and pale. The appearances of Killer Frost and Braniac were way off from their usual appearance, and not in a good way. Only Darkseid looked properly imposing.

This game would be a killer Playstation ONE game graphics, but as a PS2/PSP/Xbox game? Not so much.

Graphics Rating: Mediocre

3. Sound

This is easily the best aspect of Justice League Heroes. The voice work is phenomenal and we had some A-list actors voicing the Justice League. Crispin Freeman as Superman? Ron Perlman as Batman? Newsradio’s Vicki Lewis? These are some quality actors and the voice acting saved the script and the game for me.

Sure you don’t hear a lot of the acting save for the occasional quip in battle or when you level up, but the CGi cut scenes do allow the actors to shine.

The music is quite good too. The entire score has a very epic feel to it and helps to set the tone of the game. Whenever you roll your eyes at another horde or white winged flappy things or robots wielding flamethrowers or Martians with kryptonite lasers, the music reminds you that you’re playing as the World’s Greatest Heroes.

Too bad the rest of the game wasn’t as good as the aural bits.

Sound Rating: Great

4. Control and Gameplay

Wow. This game is bad. Just plain bad. I can’t believe these are the same guys that did the DA games.

First up – aiming. Don’t even bother. With a lot of characters attacking also involves moving, which means trying to do combos ends with you attacks past your opponent. DUMB. Distance attacks are just as worse. Just TRY aiming Superman’s heat vision at a moving target and watch how bad the controls get. Same with Batman’s batarangs. In fact, the only character that seems to be able to aim properly is Zatanna with her fireballs and that’s simply because the computer autolocks that in. I was shocked at how poorly combat was done as it is about fifty percent button mashing and fifty percent cranking on the analog stick to keep the characters aim in check.

Next we have camera angles, which aren’t so horrible, but I hate the lack of a true quality zoom in and the fact that the camera gets wonky if you do a U-turn with your characters.

Third up is speed. Why the hell isn’t the Flash naturally faster than the other characters? Why is flying so god awful slow compared to WALKING. This makes no sense! This is horrible! This is the slowest moving action RPG I’ve ever played.

Let’s round this out with the bugs. There are some huge ass bugs in the game. A perfect example was the second and final battle you have with Braniac. At one point Braniac started running around in circles and I could do no damage to him. I figured I’d just kill myself and end it. Oh no. I could take damage either. Somehow the game got so glitched up that it was stuck in an endless loop. I had no choice but to reset the damn game. I would encounter the retarded “character runs in a circle” glitch often, but thankfully it was mostly confined to my AI controlled partner. Nothing like seen Martian Manhunter holding a tree and walking in circles for several minutes until I moved my control over to him and then back to Zatanna so that I could actually PLAY THE GAME.

I liked the idea of the two player co-op and I’m sure with the Xbox and PS2 it’s a lot of fun. Trying to find someone on the PSP version? I DIDN’T, thus I was stuck with my massively retarded AI.

Other than these astounding errors, the game is pretty much your typical snowblind action RPG but without the creative monsters, level designs of true customization. Here the leveling up is scaled back a lot, featuring only ten options to allocated level up points to. Six of these are powers, while the other three are your combat, health, recovery, and energy points. Compared this to DA2 where you have 3 times this number.

Oh, you can also collect shields to unlock new characters and extra costumes. I love this idea but of course it is heavily flawed. First of all, 85% of the game has you stuck with specific characters on specific levels. This means who you play as is limited. The unlockable characters can only be used on rare occasions, meaning they are fundamentally worthless. As well, you pretty much have to use the 7 characters the game starts you off with as they need the experience from each level or they are severely fucked when you are forced to use them again. I encountered this with John Stewart as I refused to ever use him and would go with the better balanced unlockable Green Arrow instead. Then it came to a late game mission where I had to use Stewart and Martian Manhunter. MM was level 11. Stewart was level FIVE. So of course he died pretty quickly. Mainly because even though I set his AI to defensive, he charged into a battle with 5 monsters and punched them instead of using his damn ring. Arrgh.

The game is playable. Obviously I beat the game, but it’s pretty damn awful. Eventually you adapt to the gameplay issues, but you never enjoy it.

Control and Gameplay: Bad

5. Replayability

With unlockable characters, costumes, and post game missions, there’s a lot you can do with the game. If a friend also has the JLH UMD, you can play a co-op game together, which has to be better than then computer AI controlled partner.

As well, you can’t get enough shields to unlock everything your first time through. I got Black Canary, Green Arrow, Aquaman, Kyle Rayner and alt costumes for Wonder Woman, Zatanna, Batman and Superman. That was it. If you want everything, you’ll have to play through a second time (Oh god no) or use a code.

Lots to do if you are a completist. The controls through make it hard to WANT to.

Replayability Rating: Above Average

6. Balance

Oh Christ. I believe I’ve already talked about the computer AI issues, the ally controlled AI issues and the level issues that occur if you dare to try someone other than the main 7 characters. Sadly, there’s more.

The very first boss battle in the game, against Braniac is harder than any other battle in the game. It’s not just because of the controls, but because your AI controlled partner is an idiot and will end up dead before the battle is over. As well, the battle is a double header, meaning you fight Braniac twice in a row without a health replenish. All the other battles, including Dakrseid and the second Braniac encounter are cakewalks compared to this one.

Besides the dysfunctional AI, there comes into play the matter of Boosts. Boosts are randomly earned throughout the game and there are many types ranging from range to luck to damage to duration boosts. You can mix and match boosts to create bigger, more powerful boosts. Honestly, it’s way too easily to manipulate these to where your energy costs is next to nothing and the damage is insane. They make the game far too easy, and as it is already monotonous due to the lack of innovation or interesting enemies, this makes it all the worse.

Finally none of the heroes are balanced. Zatanna stands out as the most powerful character in every way. She can cast an invulnerability spell, a healing spell and super fast fireballs that if you boost correctly are doing 600 points of damage for an energy cost of about 30. This puts her into a level of Godhood none of the other characters can touch, so why bother using them.

Below here are Flash and Superman. Flash’s pinball attack is his only really good move, but pumped up properly it is insanely powerful. The same holds true for Superman. He’s is massively powerful and filled to the brim with hit points. His heat vision hits from the other side of the screen and even off the screen most times. His only problem is aiming. Wonder Woman and Batman make up the second to last tier and Green Lantern and Martian Manhunter are fundamentally worthless due to the time it takes their special attacks to actually work.

In all, the game really could have used some crucial playtesting. Everything possible is broken, often in exact opposite ways. This is truly a perfect example of a clusterfuck.

Balance Rating: Worthless

7. Originality

Take everything that was good from the Dark Alliance games and remove it. That’s Justice League Heroes. Everything from the story to the gameplay reeks of cliches and half-assing it. Sadly, it’s still the best Justice League game ever made.

I’m being nice and giving it some points for the use of Kyle, Ollie, Dinah, and Zatanna – all of whom I don’t have ever appeared in a video game before.

Originality Rating: Bad

8. Addictiveness

God help me, I just kept playing through this. I hated this game, but I loved DC comics as a kid and just wanted this to be good so badly, I kept playing. I wanted a good DC based video game. I liked the voice work and playing as Zatanna, but I hated everything else. It was such a kick to the balls. I remember the game coming out when Marvel: Ultimate Alliance did, and how much I enjoyed that game. You would think a developer I like plus comic characters I prefer would equal a better game, but you’d be wrong.

Yet I kept playing.

If you like a monotonous beat ‘em up with long stretches between leveling up, then you’ll probably get into this. For me it was more a, “It’ll get better. It has to get better.”

Welcome to the current state of DC Comics. Thanks Didio.

Addictiveness Rating: Mediocre

9. Appeal Factor

Fans of DC comics that are also casual gamers will probably enjoy this title simply because you get to see some of your favorite characters break stuff for hours dipping into the double digits. Other than that? No one. It’s just a poorly made game through and through.

Appeal Factor Rating: Bad

10. Miscellaneous

A few extra points here for including some PSP exclusive playable characters in Supergirl (Linda Danvers version) and Black Canary. Of course M:UA gave us Hawkeye, Genis-Vell, Echo and Black Widow as its PSP exclusives. Twice as many characters and Hawkeye alone makes it the superior game. I was really disappointed with this game, even when I only paid ten dollars for it. Marvel gets the better video games, while DC gets the better cartoons. It appears it will always be as such.

I honestly can’t think of a single thing other then the aural aspects that this game did right. The game isn’t bad, but it’s by no means good or even middle of the road. It’s a huge letdown in every way there is a huge flaw with every single aspect of the game.

Shame on you Snowblind and Warner Bros. for letting this pass. Here’s hoping the Xbox and PS2 versions weren’t as hideous. Thanks for the extra content I guess.

Miscellaneous Rating: Poor

The Scores
Story: Dreadful
Graphics: Mediocre
Sound: Great
Control and Gameplay: Bad
Replayability: Above Average
Balance: Worthless
Originality: Bad
Addictiveness: Mediocre
Appeal Factor: Bad
Miscellaneous: Poor
FINAL SCORE: POOR GAME

“Before we begin with this review, I’d like to issue a disclaimer of sorts. If you’re a diehard, hardcore fan of Final Fantasy VII, do yourself a favor: stop reading. Close the window, back up the browser, save yourself of the trouble of reading through this.

This is for everyone else.” - quoted from the Dirge of Cerberus review.

I felt the need to quote the above because, frankly, it needs to be understood. Final Fantasy VII, while a commercially successful product that has moved almost 10 million copies worldwide (if Wikipedia is to be believed), is not something everyone has played, is not something everyone cares about, and is not something everyone feels they need to experience. Of the ten million-ish PSP owners in the US market, I’d be surprised if half of them have played the original game, and of that half, I’d be surprised if half of THAT was so enamored with the original that they feel the need to run right out and buy a sequel. So, then, what you’re left with is a group of 2.5 million people buying a game because they know it’s for them and another 7.5 million people wondering if they should invest their hard earned dollars in a game they know nothing about from a franchise they’ve not experienced, all because a bunch of people who write things like “Cloud Strife is one of the most iconic video game characters of all time, rivaling Mario for instant recognition” and pretend that this is even flirting with reality got together and gave the game the literary equivalent of bukkake.

The short answer is “probably not, though renting’s not entirely out of the question.” For the long answer, keep reading.

The story of CC sees you playing the role of Zack Fair, he of occasional flashback appearance (in FFVII) and spiritual guidance (in Advent Children) in his very own storyline detailing his time in SOLDIER and the events leading up to Final Fantasy VII. The story proper essentially deals with Zack as he grows from a brash and cocky 2nd Rank Soldier to a more adult 1st rank Soldier, as well as the various experiences he goes through as a result. Assuming you’re a fan of the prior titles, the story does what is expected of it: it connects the lines from this game to Final Fantasy VII, crams itself full of fan-service, and gives the player plenty of time with their favorite FFVII characters, as nearly everyone from that game is in this game.

The core reasons the story of the game exists, really, are so that

1.) Final Fantasy VII can have its very own Episode 1 moments (and if you can’t mentally compare Sephiroth to a pretty (or prettier, now) Darth Vader, then you either haven’t played FVII or you haven’t seen Star Wars),
2.) Gackt Genesis can be (at times, poorly) retconned into the story so that when he shows up in the next FFVII spin-off we can appropriately understand who he is and where he comes from (and rest assured, he will), and
3.) So we can see the relationship between dorky Zack and autistic Aeris Aerith develop first-hand (since Advent Children made it obvious they were together in whatever passed for Heaven in this series, the Lifestream or what have you),

and in those respects it more or less succeeds. If you’re a fan of the series, you’ll absolutely love it and it’s absolutely for you.

There are, however, four rather large problems with the story that raise their heads throughout:
1.) Generally poor resolutions/developments across the board: Cissnei’s existence is given decent weight throughout the game, but she appears in no American games beyond Crisis Core, thus diminishing her importance somewhat; the retcon of the Nibelheim Incident contradicts both FFVII and the Last Order OAV based on it; the endgame is unsatisfying simply because the actions taken therein are not any more dramatic and heroic here than they were in “The Devil’s Rejects”, they’re just an unsatisfying means to an end; there’s a whole section where “Heaven” and “Angels” are mentioned that STRONGLY implies Judeo-Christian religion in a world THAT IS NOT EARTH, thus marking the second time in as many FFVII titles where Earth culture has been stuffed into FFVII because God forbid someone come up with a religion for the series on their own; Hollander, despite using a different method for creating his abominations, has more or less identical motivations to Hojo, thus meaning Shinra hired TWO scientific sociopaths, put them into positions of power, and watched them create projects that almost destroyed their company/ended the world just to bloody well prove that they were godly enough to do it (not to mention the whole “identical characters” issue); and so on.
2.) A plot that is more exclusionary than a David Lynch film: if you haven’t played FFVII (at the minimum), more of the plot goes flying over your head than Peanut’s hand has over the course of Jeff Dunham’s career.
3.) A plot that is more convoluted than a David Lynch film, for no adequately explained reason: multiple face/heel turns, the dead repeatedly coming back or cloning themselves, wasteful and meaningless self-sacrifice that serves no purpose but advancing the story, tons of pseudo-science meant to explain the existence of two different villains, and a whole ton of overly wordy dialogue that sounds a whole lot more complex than it really is, because apparently the head writer assumed the phrase “less is more” was a ratio equating “sense” to “dollars”, not at all incorrectly.
4.) Entirely TOO MUCH fanservice: Yuffie pops up a whole bunch and does little of consequence, Aerith’s trademark hair bow is explained, Cloud’s life before becoming a science experiment is put into focus here, and none of it really resonates unless you’ve played the original game in the first place.

In short: the story is overly and needlessly complex, stretches about half an hour or so of thought into a twenty hour game, crams itself chock full of storyline elements and references that won’t matter if you haven’t played one game that came out ten years ago, and ultimately sees you face off against a main villain who is rather reminiscent of FFVII’s villain (down to the pretty face, unique clothing, and big wing protruding from his back). If you’re a fan of the franchise, you’ll love it, of course, but anyone who hasn’t played the first game won’t get anything entertaining from this one.

Visually, the game is mostly spectacular. The character models are among some of the best the PSP can churn out, and the backgrounds are often nice (if nondescript and repetitive in some cases). Oh, and of course the cinematics are mind-blowing, but that’s not a surprise. Aurally, the voice-acting is actually spot-on throughout and done quite well, though the game does this really, really, REALLY irritating thing where characters will voice act a few lines, then not voice act a few lines, then voice act a few lines, FOR NO GODDAMN REASON. Seriously, there’s no weight or importance to the non-acted lines over the acted lines, there’s no adequately explained reason for it, it just happens and you are literally left with no explanation as to why. The music is top-notch, as expected, and many of the tracks are cute remixes of old FFVII tracks, and thus match the tone of the product (fanservice) perfectly. The sound effects are also quite nice and well done overall.

Which brings us to the gameplay, which can essentially be described as “minimalist”. Much like in a normal RPG, most of the gameplay amounts to you wandering about the locations either talking to people/investigating the environment or engaging in random encounters (depending on the type of location you’re in). Investigating the environments and maneuvering around the game world is pretty simple and works perfectly fine, but this being an RPG, that’s not terribly surprising. In most cases, you can also bring up your menu to goof around in as needed at the press of a button, though in CC the menu offers a lot more functionality than in most titles. Basically, you’re offered the options from the word go to investigate your inventory, equip stuff, sort your inventory and so on, but from the menu you can also go to shops (yes, you can shop at any time you’re not in battle, essentially) and, if standing on a save point, undertake missions (side-quests not directly related to the main plot). In short, the game essentially offers you the option to do almost everything you need to do right from Zack’s cell phone, which is certainly convenient, as it means you don’t really need to concern yourself with doing things like “wandering around looking for a shop”. This is, I have to say, pretty cool on an ease of use scale, even if it’s not wholly believable (and the moment we had a guy sprouting a single wing and using it to fly, believability went out the window, so just deal with it). Mind you, there are still “town” locations to wander about, though they’re mostly associated to the Shinra building and the surrounding locations (LOVELESS Street, the slums from FFVII, Aerith’s church full of flowers, etc), and aside from wandering about in them for quest purposes, you’ll only need to look around in the locations to find more side missions to take on, so there’s not a whole lot stopping you from getting down to killing things for experience and profit.

Combat is handled in CC in an action-oriented fashion; one bumbles into an enemy spawn point and gets attacked by a group of foes (as, despite appearances, battles aren’t really random here; they can only happen in certain locations on the map and unless you run around the outside edge of the location, you will always encounter them if you pass through the set areas), and has to kill them by spamming the X button. Now, X doesn’t specifically “attack” so much as it uses whatever you’ve highlighted on your action bar at the bottom of the screen; aside from your normal attack, the bar will also have your various Materia (magic spells) that you’ve equipped (how many depends on how far along in the game you are) and your Items bag, from which you may use curatives and such. You cycle the items with the left and right bumpers, while the D-pad and analog stick are used to move Zack around in battle. Also, if you’re interested in evading damage instead of healing it, you can also dodge and block with the Square and Circle buttons, respectively, so as to reduce damage or avoid it entirely, though this doesn’t work against some attacks so well.

In other words, it fundamentally plays like just about every action RPG you’ve ever played.

To distance the product a bit from that notion, CC also has something known as the Digital Mind Wave, AKA DMW, AKA Setzer’s special attack/Cait Sith’s Limit Break. Essentially, while you’re in combat, a slot machine will be running in the upper left hand corner. The slots are based on two separate things: numbers and character portraits. When three character portraits line up, Zack does a Limit Break (or, if the portraits are of Summons, he summons a creature), and when two or three numbers pop up at one time, any one of a number of different things can happen, including Zack leveling up (though this isn’t exactly RANDOM, as you’ll note that you go up in level more frequently while playing harder missions than you do easier ones; there appears to be SOME kind of experience tracker, but it’s simply not obvious). You have no direct influence over the DMW, as it makes its rolls as it feels it needs to, but whatever happens, you reap the benefits (the DMW doesn’t have any negative effect elements built into it). Each character face on the DMW wheels has a different Limit Break associated with it, and if you line up three of one character’s face in a row, you use that Limit Break, whatever it might be (some attack all enemies, some attack one enemy, some offer healing or status boosts, and so on). The level of your Limit Breaks is determined by how far along your relationship is with the character in question; thus, it pays to have conversations with characters and such, as the more friendly you are with the character (or, at least, those who you can directly influence, like Aerith), the better your LB’s will be for that person. Also, after some events in the story, the DMW will be influenced so that more of one character’s face will appear on it, thus further influencing what LB’s you get at any given time. To its credit, the DMW works well enough for a probably not as random as is believed system, and it could certainly be worse, as could, indeed, all of the gameplay.

The major problem with the gameplay is that it seems to incorrectly assume that it knows exactly what it is the gamer is looking to do, and feels it has provided that, when it really hasn’t. For instance: several times throughout the game, a cinematic will be shown of Zack killing something or another (the introductory cinematic is an absolutely perfect example, but there are others), which outright looks outstanding, but begs the question I asked while playing Dirge of Cerberus: “why am I watching what I could be playing?” Now, Final Fantasy VII had its fair share of flaws, but by and large it avoided inundating the player with cutscenes every five minutes and didn’t really make you watch playable activities all that often, something its later sequels are all too happy to do, because someone decided that what the players REALLY wanted was to play a movie, the failure of The Bouncer notwithstanding. On the opposite side of the spectrum, instead of simply showing us cutscenes of Zack and Aerith putzing around, we’re required to interact with these scenes to different extents, none of which could be deemed “exciting” by any stretch of the imagination, when simply representing them as cutscenes would have been wholly sufficient. In other words: we’re watching things we should be playing, then playing things we really only need to watch. It’s rather annoying the first time it happens, and when you stop and realize that it tends to happen about once a chapter, well, that just becomes tiresome in a hurry.

This is further compounded by the fact that the game is really, REALLY shallow. The core game, by itself, is really only about a fifteen to twenty hour affair, but it’s crammed to the gills with hundreds of side missions that you can undertake, thus increasing the overall play time… until you realize that you are, in essence, doing the exact same thing for the whole time you’re playing: wandering through the “dungeon” until you find the boss, killing the boss, collecting your reward, then repeating until you get bored. Generally speaking, most games of this type get around this problem by offering the character all sorts of nifty gifties for doing these things, but CC really CAN’T; aside from Materia and Accessories, THERE IS NO EQUIPMENT IN THE GAME. No swords, no armor, no shields, no NOTHING. Now, I’m all for the evolution of the medium, and anyone who can come up with an interesting way to evolve the RPG has my gratitude, but EXCISING EQUIPABLE ITEMS is probably not the way to go about things, largely because, deep down inside, everyone wants the badass Sword of Infinite Damage +1 on their main character. That this was deemed unnecessary just takes a shallow game and drains more of the life from it, making it into, for lack of a better term, a twenty hour action game… and, more importantly, one that has shown you all of its tricks in the first hour, since you don’t play as anyone but Zack.

The DMW, while it’s FUNCTIONAL, also loses some points for being something of an annoying pain in the ass. For one, you can’t choose your Limit Break because all of them are relegated to the DMW, and while this means Limit Breaks tend to pop up a decent amount of the time, the one you’re given is, in many cases, inevitably not as useful as the one you wanted. And since the DMW is essentially random, you can’t rely on it to ever be properly useful, and thus you can’t factor it into your plans for a battle. It’s also somewhat disruptive; when the DMW pops up to give you a LB, that’s fine, because you’re effectively given a breather (since, unless you’re summoning something, you can’t skip the LB scenes… or, for that matter, ANY SCENES but Summons, which is annoying all on its own), but when the DMW pops up to, say, level Zack or a Materia up… well, hey, that’s great, but if you were in the middle of something (say, shifting to Cure because you just took a bit of heavy damage) you’re then stuck re-situating yourself. And that’s assuming the DMW actually gave you ANYTHING; more than a few times, the DMW popped up on-screen, rolled its numbers, and gave me absolutely nothing… I understand the system is supposed to be random, but WHY IS THE GAME DISRUPTING ME IN THE MIDDLE OF BATTLE FOR NO REASON I MEAN REALLY NOW that’s just a waste.

Now, here’s the thing: if you ARE a fan of FFVII, then this doesn’t concern or apply to you. As noted, you’re not going to care, and you’re going to love the game, warts and all, as is your right. But if you aren’t, it’s going to be fairly apparent that you have seen everything this game is throwing at you and you’re not going to be terribly impressed. The only things the game does that could be considered novel are the DMW system (which is, as noted, a not entirely random slot machine with a fancy name) and the ability to shop for items through your cell phone; otherwise, everything here is, at best, a staple of the genre, and at worst, a cliché. The tons and tons of extra missions, with a few exceptions, don’t give you anything fantastic for completing them and are really only there for the purposes of leveling/gil farming. The “New Game +” option that beating the game unlocks is cute if you haven’t tired of spamming X by the end of the game, but other games (most notably, other SQUARE games, IE Parasite Eve) have done this better by offering the player all sorts of nifty extras for playing a second time. The core gameplay itself is simple enough that anyone can play the game without an issue, but if you’re the sort of person who loathes Dynasty Warriors you’re not going to jump for joy at what CC is doing with its combat, as for about 60% of the game it ends up being roughly the exact same thing. There’s little variety, not much depth, and short of the narrative and the visuals, not a whole lot of reason to play this over other, better RPG’s (both in the action and the traditional category) on the PSP.

Which is not to say that Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core is bad; it’s simply mediocre. Okay. Run of the mill, even. It’s visually good, aurally great, and the gameplay isn’t bad, and if you’re a fan of the other games then you really have no reason to miss this. It’s a fanservice game, made by fans (of money), for fans (of FFVII), and when the next game comes out, complete with boxart of Cloud Strife wringing out a stone, it too will most likely be a fanservice game made by fans (of money), for fans (you get the point). But for everyone else, the story is cumbersome, ponderous, and filled with all sorts of confusing twists and odd character actions and elements of cultures that don’t exist, the gameplay, while okay, is really nothing special and nothing you haven’t played before, the cute novelties in the product ultimately neither help nor hinder the game, and the only “depth” to the experience comes from hundreds of side-missions that feature roughly the same objectives and identical gameplay from one to the next, and all of the pretty cutscenes and smattered mini-games in the world can’t change that fact.

The Scores:
Story: POOR
Graphics: GREAT
Sound: GREAT
Control/Gameplay: ABOVE AVERAGE
Replayability: BAD
Balance: ABOVE AVERAGE
Originality: DREADFUL
Addictiveness: MEDIOCRE
Appeal: ABOVE AVERAGE
Miscellaneous: POOR

Final Score: MEDIOCRE.

Short Attention Span Summary:

Did you like Final Fantasy VII? Like, a whole lot? Enough to buy Advent Children and Dirge of Cerberus? And did you like them too?

Yes? Then you should already own this; it’s everything you could hope for.

Kinda? Then you might want to give this a rental as it might hold some appeal; it’s pretty and plays okay enough, and it’s not a bad diversion of time if the series holds any interest for you.

No? Then this will be a waste of time; you’ve played other games just like it (or you haven’t and wouldn’t want to), the story won’t hold your interest, and all of the pretty graphics and sounds won’t convince that you’re playing twenty-odd hours of mediocrity.

Genre: Strategy RPG
Platform: Sony Playstation Portable
ESRB Rating: Everyone 10+
Developer: Media Vision
Publisher: XSEED
Release Date: 3/11/08

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Let us rewind back to two years ago. On March 16, 2006, Ready at Dawn Studios made a huge splash when the released Daxter for the PSP. It was widely held to be perhaps the best game on the system and maybe even just as good as the PS2 games that preceded it. People were amazed at the graphics, the controls, and how it translated to the portable realm without losing that classic Jak and Daxter feel.

Ready at Dawn wasn’t just about to rest on their laurels. Almost immediately after they were done with Daxter, they approached Sony with the idea of bringing another major franchise onto the PSP.

Here we are now in March of 2008 with God of War: Chains of Olympus. Expectations couldn’t be any higher. We’ve all seen the tremendous screenshots and played the demo, and now it’s finally time for Kratos to conquer another platform. Is it possible to take a series that pushed the PS2 to its limits with every frame and put it on a portable system without completely stripping it down?

Let’s take a look.

Story

Chains of Olympus takes place during the ten years before the first God of War. Kratos is in the service of the gods in hopes that once he has done enough to appease them, they will remove the horrid memories of his past. For series stalwarts, you’ll notice that Kratos is much more trusting of the gods at this point. He serves them almost blindly, believing that his service will be rewarded. This is a stark contrast to the Kratos that has freed the Titans and declared war on Olympus at the end of God of War II.

The game begins in typical GoW fashion. Kratos is called to save the Greek city of Attica from a Persian attack. The Persians have unleashed a huge Basilisk, and he’s tearing everything apart. The battle isn’t quite as memorable as the Hydra/Colossus battles in previous installments, but it’s still an epic battle.

After his task is completed, Kratos challenges the gods to give him something more worthy of his talents. This would be about the time the sun crashes into the earth. (For those of you confused, the sun in Greek Mythology wasn’t nearly so big, and was pulled by a chariot in the sky). The world goes dark, and the god of dreams, Morpheus, takes control. Kratos is soon tasked with brining the sun back in the sky, and saving earth, and Olympus itself from total destruction.

The story in CoO is a bit strange. Previous God of War games have been straightforward. You’re introduced to the antagonist early on, and most of the game is the long road toward him. Here, the antagonist kind of jumps out at the end without any explanation. This person’s name is never mentioned before, and their motives can’t be fully understood unless you know the Mythological background. The whole thing feels disjointed and abstract. In this way, the story is a bit of a disappointment.

The game also has a roster issue. I imagine that Ready at Dawn was given a list of Greek characters they could and couldn’t use for the game. After all, God of War III is going to be much more important in the long run. Because of this, the game feels like it’s filled with a bunch of third string gods and heroes. People unversed in Greek Mythology might not even recognize the names of Helios, Eos, or Persephone, who all play roles in the story. Even the mighty Basilisk feels like a cheaper version of the Hydra or Colossus seen in other games.

The story is good for one thing though. Fans of Kratos will be delighted by the amount of character development here. I won’t give anything away, but Kratos meets someone in this game who reveals his human nature. Before this game, I didn’t even know he had one. In what is probably the hardest decision I’ve ever seen a video game character make, Kratos sets the wheels in motion for all of the events to come. Turns out, there is a lot more to Kratos than hating the gods and killing monsters.

Graphics

Tekken. Ratchet and Clank. Daxter. Siphon Filter. Metal Gear. All of these franchises helped define how good a PSP game could look. Apparently, the bar they set wasn’t too high, because God of War simply blows them away.

If you were to go back even five years ago and show this game to someone with a Game Boy, they would tell you there was no way Chains was a portable title. The backdrops in this game are simply phenomenal. The locations are huge. You’ll often find yourself fighting in an area with a huge tower or such far in the background. Soon enough, you’ll have worked your way to the tower itself, meaning the background is more than just background in this game. For instance, in the opening level, there’s a beautiful shot of dozens of Persian ships landing on the shores of Attica. Within minutes you’ll find yourself on those very beaches, dodging fire, not to mention even getting to launch a ballista into one of them, sinking it to the waters below.

The character models are simply fantastic. Kratos looks as good as he ever did on the PS2. His animations are smooth, as are those of the games many side characters and bosses. Of particular note, the gorgons and sirens lose none of their coiling and slithering capabilities in the transition to the PSP. When you pull off a finishing move, the camera pulls in close to the action, allowing you to get a great look at Kratos ripping the wings off a harpy, or using a minotaur’s own axe to cleave his head from his shoulders.

Case in point, this game is being compared to its PS2 counterparts. There were few games even in the same league as God of War on the PS2; and now a PSP game is realistically comparable to it! The framerate is solid. The Greek architecture is beautiful. From a technical and artistic standpoint, this is the best looking game you can possibly get right now for the palm of your hand.

Audio

The audio for this game is simply fantastic. TC Carson once again brings life to Kratos with a voice that fits the character perfectly. He’s got a few more hokey lines than usual, but each one is bellowed out perfectly. With each swing of the blade, Kratos grunts and screams his fury, making each shot as visceral and awesome as it can be.

Linda Hunt also reprises her role as the Narrator, and does a bang up job. None of the voice acting in this game is anything less than great. Gods plot, monster’s roar, and siren’s scream so well that you’ll want headphones so you don’t miss a single moment of it.

The music is mostly reminiscent of the previous games, with the God of War theme playing prominently over a score filled to capacity with booming horns and clashing strings. The music is perfect for the game, even if isn’t the kind of thing that sticks with you like Donkey Kong Country or The Legend of Zelda.

Controls and Gameplay

Let me just cut through the BS and say it right here; the controls are flat out better in Chains of Olympus. I know it sounds crazy. The PSP has only one analog stick and less buttons than the PS2 controller. How can it possibly be better?

Well for one thing, the lack of a right analog stick turns out to be a good thing. Traditionally, it controls the dodge feature. For the PSP version, dodge is performed by holding down the top buttons and flicking the analog stick in either direction. This will take a few moments to get used to, but it starts to feel natural pretty fast. The great thing about this s that you never have to take you right thumb off of the face buttons, meaning your response time is actually quickened. Then there is the lack of top buttons. In this case, using the L button will block, and the R button in conjecture with a face button will activate a magic. You no longer have to press a directional button to activate your magic, once again leaving your thumbs where they should be and keeping response time quick and precise. All told, this is the most fluid and streamlined control scheme yet.

Combat is still the same. You have a light and heavy attack, which can be strung together into dozens of combos. Throw in the grab button, and those combo options increase exponentially. The combat is extremely fluid and easy to control. Some people think this means the game is a button mashing fest, but button mashing is just a good way to get you killed against some of the bigger threats. You have a lot of control here too. Holding down the triangle button will launch your enemy in the air, allowing you to fight other enemies, use your chains to pull him back down hard, or jump up and continue the combo in the air using any of three combat buttons. Certain enemies require special moves to be hit, such as an armor breaking combo. Smaller enemies can be killed with a simple grab.

However, most of the enemies you meet can be dispatched of with a quick time event. Pressing circle near a sufficiently injured ogre, for instance, will bring the camera in and let you make button presses and/or analog turns to bring him down in cinematic fashion. This is never required against non-boss enemies however. If you wish you can simply batter them into oblivion with your chain blades. It should be mentioned that the PSP’s analog stick isn’t always up to the task of making the precise circles required. Until you become used to it (which takes longer than it should) you’ll miss more than succeed when they pop up.

What would a God of War game be without superb level design? Most of the game is paced perfectly; with enemies, jumps, and puzzles placed to deliver maximum enjoyment. Most of the game’s puzzles are short and simple. They won’t really test your mind, but they’re a welcome break from the action when they show up. There are a few instances where the level design falters and it feels like you’re just running from room to room killing enemies, but this is rare.

One thing does bother me. God of War staples such as swimming sections and tight rope walks are surprisingly rare. In fact, I think there was only one case of each found throughout. Also, the rope ladder sections are completely absent. This hurts the variety of the gameplay a little, and is a bit disappointing.

Overall, this feels just like a God of War game should. There are tons of enemies to fight, and several epic boss battles to charge through. You’ll play in several uniquely themed locales that are as fun to play through as they are to look at. As far as getting God of War on a handheld goes, Ready at Dawn deserves accolades galore.

Replayability

The only truly disappointing thing about Chains of Olympus is its length. I managed to play through the entire game (while collecting all the upgrades) in less than four and a half hours. This means that you’ll probably beat the game in only one or two sittings. I can’t imagine how they could have made the game longer given the sheer graphical power the game possesses, but the adventure really is over way to fast.

There is a bit of an upside to this though. There are four difficulties to play through. Your first go through should be on regular or hard, with the big goal being to play through and beat the game on god mode. Series vets know that this is where the staying power of God of War lies. Outside of the core story, there’s also the challenge of Hades, which offers player about a half a dozen bonus missions to complete. These are HARD, but the reward is unlockable costumes and special videos that any fan should love.

In the end, the action in God of War is just too good to not want to play through more than once.

Balance

Balance in God of War has always been fantastic. You start off the game by battling a bunch of scared soldiers that are pretty much cannon fodder to your chain blades. Later on you’ll start facing undead legionnaires that can block and counter attack with the occasional troll, minotaur, or gorgon mixed in. Towards the end of the game, you’ll face two trolls, undead archers, and legionnaires all at the same time in a slow enclosed circle. Your reflexes will have to become sharp if you’re to survive to the end. Blocking and Dodging will become essential, and button mashing the attack buttons will have to be left in the dirt.

All of this happens at a steady incline. There are plenty of health and magic chests to deplete your stores. There are for the most part scattered where you need them. However, experience is far too easy to find towards the middle of the game. I know the game is short, but experience orb chest are everywhere. You’ll have most of your upgrades in no time. Gorgon Eyes and Phoenix Feathers, which are collected to permanently increase magic and health, are in abundance as well. There are actually more of these items than you can use, which means that you’ll get experience boost instead when you run out of them. Thankfully, the difficulty climbs well enough that you’ll never feel overpowered.

Originality

I’ll admit it. This game isn’t very original. Almost everything in this game can be traced back to the original God of War. Sure the magics and extra weapons are completely new, but the enemies are almost palette swaps of previous enemies. The levels are sometimes eerily reminiscent of past games. (This is the third game in a row where you go to Hades.) The music and sound effects are mostly identical.

The story is all new, however. Most of the characters did not appear in other games before, meaning they feel fresh and interesting. Pretty much everything else is similar; even the extras are familiar. However, when what this game is bases off of is one of the best games on the PS2, this isn’t really a bad thing. Fans just shouldn’t expect any series altering changes, is all.

Addictiveness

There are few games as addicting as God of War. Any ten minutes of this game is just as fun as any other, and the game’s lowest moments are often comparable to other game’s highest.

There are lots of games out there that make you go “just one more match/race/level/hour/life”. God of War is one of those games that take it one step further. Every minute you play will only increase your anticipation for the next, as you’ll need to know what new enemies await the next corner. “Will I get a cut scene? What bad ass thing will Kratos say or do? Will there be another boss fight up ahead? What new magic ability can I get? All I need is just a few more red orbs before I can level up my chain blades!” Unless you have no soul, you’ll find yourself saying or thinking these things to yourself a lot during the course of the game. I said you could finish in one or two sittings, and that’s because the game is so much fun that you won’t want to anything else.

In that sense, it’s probably a good thing that the game isn’t too long. If you’re going to have hours sucked out of your life into a video game, it better not be a long one. Life’s too short after all.

Appeal Factor

Ask pretty much any PSP owner what games they were looking forward to in 2008, and all of them would have had God of War on the list. Since the first videos of it were shown back at E3 2007, it was clear that Ready at Dawn had captured the spirit of the franchise perfectly. This wasn’t a port, or even just a side story. This was another exciting chapter in the God of War saga. Hell, I even heard people claim the DEMO for this game was one of their favorite things to play.

The amount of media coverage for God of War was unheard of for a PSP game. The only one that can compare is Crisis Core, and that’s only because fanboys across the globe need their FFVII fix. Chains is getting commercials on TV, top billing on gaming websites, and huge amounts of chatter on message boards.

The word is out. God of War has gone portable, and Kratos can now kick ass on the go. The only thing that’s keeping the buzz from reaching upper echelon levels is complaints about the game being too short.

Miscellaneous

Just like in previous outings, God of War offers some pretty nice extras to go along with its in game package. You have several interesting things to unlock here. There’s a tour of sorts with Ready at Dawn for starters. Most interesting is a video of levels that didn’t make it into the game. You’ll have to complete the game on God mode in order to unlock this, so only the hardiest of players will see it. (Unless of course you just youtube it.)

Another thing worth mentioning is the load times. There are none. Ok. Well there are a couple that pop up when a cut scene needs to load, but ninety percent of the time you’ll be running through an entire section without any slowdown whatsoever. What’s even more amazing is that I was getting this out of the old PSP. The game was designed to run on the more powerful slim PSP, which boast a faster processor and even quicker load times. For a game on a system notorious for atrocious load times, this is just icing on the cake.

The production values on this game are just through the roof. Throughout the entire experience, you’ll rightfully feel that this is a showpiece for just what the PSP is capable of. Ready at Dawn are masters at getting the most out of the system in terms of graphics, audio, and performance. Hopefully, other developers will stand up and take notice.

The Scores

Story/Modes: Above Average
Graphics: Unparalleled
Sound: Classic
Gameplay: Great
Replayability: Very Good
Balance: Great
Originality: Poor
Addictiveness: Classic
Appeal Factor: Great
Miscellaneous: Great
FINAL SCORE: Great

Short Attention Span Summary:

High Marks all around except for Originality. God of War is truly one of the best games on the PSP and prime example of what the little system is capable of. Players should be wary of the game’s short length, but anyone should be able to enjoy the sheer fun it offers. If you’ve got a PSP, this is a must play.

Downstream Panic!
Genre: Puzzle
Developer: Eko Software
Publisher: Atari, Inc
Release Date: 02/05/2008

Ok. When I agreed to review this game, it was just so that I’d have an excuse to buy it and find out just what in the hell it was. The screenshots didn’t give much away, (except that there was fish) and very few people seemed to know what it was. Fast-forward a few months later and finally the game hits the shelves. Turns out, its a puzzle game where you’ve got to guide countless fish from the top of the level to the bottom, whilst avoiding sharks, birds, road blocks, and of course, giant fish with teeth the size of your head.

Now many don’t want to believe this, but the PSP is already home to numerous original puzzle games. Crush, Lumines, and Exit were all received pretty well. Those are some pretty big shoes to fill, especially in my eyes. To top it off, moments after it was revealed, people started making comparisons to Lemmings and LocoRoco. All in all, Downstream Panic had a lot to live up to. Does it fit the bill, or does it fall flat on its face?

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Purusit Force: Extreme Justice
Genre: Action/Arcade
Publisher: Sony
Developer: BigBig Studios
Release Date: January 29, 2008

Pursuit Force: Extreme Justice is really a game of highs and lows. There are a ton of great
things to love about this game, and in almost all cases, those great things are equally met by things to hate. For instance, it’s nice to have a story full of twists and turns, but on the other hand no character evolution; and while some of the mechanics are rock solid and tons of fun, others are broken.

Whether or not you’ll enjoy Pursuit Force really depends on what you’re looking for in a game. As a sequel, I’d personally say that it is a much more complete and ultimately better game than its predecessor. Big Big Studios really knew what made their game great and showcased those parts to the fullest. If you own a PSP and are looking for a great portable game, you could do far worse than Pursuit Force.

I mentioned that the story had a lot of twists and turns. That was an understatement. You’ll play as the Commander of an elite police squad. (If you haven’t guessed, they’re called the Pursuit Force) As the game sets out, you’re knee deep in the ceremony of marrying the beautiful and talented Jessica, who series vets will recognize as the helicopter pilot for the first game. The beautiful moment is ruined, however, when a group of convicts, returning from the first game and freshly broken out of prison, decide to crash the party and let city know they’re back. Another returning group is the Warlords, a Russian mercenary group led by General. From pretty early on, it’s obvious that the sudden reemergence of these gangs you helped to defeat in the first game is no accident. They are here for blood. Two other gangs quickly join the fray and it comes down to you vs. everyone else. On top of all that, you have a new rival police group known as Viper Squad to contend with, as well as breaking in your rookie members. Eventually, you’ll battle on hovercrafts, make your way on across a speeding train, snipe enemies out of a helicopter, and even save the city from a nuclear explosion.

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Okay, yet another retro review as part of my New Year’s Resolution to review any game I play.

I picked up Popolocrois (No, I will not be doing the AOL-speak capitalization of the name throughout the review) on a lark at an EB one day. It was ten dollars and I was looking for a new PSP RPG. To be honest, aside from J’eanne D’Arc, there’s not a single good RPG for the PSP that isn’t a port from a previous system. I said what the hell, and gave this a look see. Of course, later I learned it’s a port of a PS1 game. Ah well, the search continues.

Agetec hasn’t really failed me in the past save for Fighter Maker and Shadow Tower. They’ve brought over several SNK games, RPG Maker, and Board Game Top Shop amongst many other quality games. As this is a retro game, and out of print, I’ll keep this review briefer than normal (also because the original copy of this review was eaten by my computer. Damn you auto M$ updates when I jaunt out for a bit) and give you just the nitty gritty. Now…

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